Still trying to find my way

[TimeHeals]

Which I can appreciate His idea, but did I really have to lose my husband to get closer to Him?

Maybe. I don't pretend to know what is God's will, but... I know that we have a choice, and if we turn over what we can't control to God (the Universe or whatever), and then work on what we can control (our choices and actions), we can choose a path that leads to greater stregnth and happiness.

[Mystik]

I'm a person that likes to be in control, so I definitely am working on turning things over to God and not stressing about the outcome. Not very successful so far, though.

[courageous wife]

As a disclaimer: Just because I got it today doesn't mean tomorrow I'll still have it.

LOL! So dang true for all of us!

[Mystik]

Still not sure what to do about a D. I have decided that I am going to pursue the out of pocket expenses for DS in Family court if he doesn't agree to pay them on his own. I did find out today that he paid the summer daycare in full, all he owes them now is his share of the tuition for this week.

He sent me another picture this morning. It was of Ds's Venom action figure and a portion of DS's head with the caption "Venom says RAWR!" I deleted it, didn't respond. Not sure why he even sent it.

[kara]

He may have sent it because they like to reach out from time to time to make sure you are still waiting.

[Mystik]

It's almost like he can only go so long without some sort of contact with me.

[Mystik]

The exchange was pretty uneventful tonight. DS told H to treat me the way he treats him (DS). I told DS it was not his job to tell H how to treat me. DS replied "I know but I don't want you to be sad. And the same goes for you, treat Daddy like you treat me." I assured DS that I will then got of my car to help DS get buckled into his booster seat. As H was pulling away he rolled his window down to tell me not just because of DS saying that but DS is a very smart kid. I simply responded "I know" then buckled DS into the car. Now I'm curious what DS said/did that H felt the need to tell me how smart DS is.

[Mystik]

Seeing H last night didn't unsettle me as much as it used to. Planning on another day with no contact, although I should e-mail him about changing the visitation schedule. Right now we meet during the week at 8 p.m., DS and I get home close to 8:30 and bed is 9 or later. He needs that half hour to settle down and unwind.

Well, that's not going to work so well once school starts in two weeks so I want to change from meeting at 8 to meeting at 7:30 so DS can be in bed for 8:30. Ideally we would meet at 7 so DS could get in bed by 8 but I'm not expecting a positive response on that. I'll start with it and see how it goes but will push for the 7:30 time if I meet resistance on the 7:00 meeting time.

I do all things regarding DS through e-mail so I have written proof of what I said and what H replied. And I'm on vacation all next week where I do not have easy access to my e-mail. We come back next Friday and school starts the following Wednesday. I might wait to e-mail him tomorrow so that today can be dark.

[Mystik]

H e-mailed me today, said he wanted to know about taking DS overnight and since I pointed out week before last how he keeps switching out Thursdays he would make this one longer. I didn't answer it right away, then an hour and a half later he e-mailed that he had been expecting a response by then but he was only kidding with me, he couldn't really take DS overnight. Didn't respond to that one either. I also didn't e-mail him about changing the visitation, work was hectic today. I spent more time away from my desk today than I did at my desk.

The exchange... When they got there DS was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he was sad. H said that he and DS had talked ahout H and me. DS got in the car and said he was sad because H doesn't want to be my husband anymore. H went to leave, then came back to talk to DS. He told DS he felt bad leaving while he was crying and DS said to him that he just wants Daddy to stay my husband forever. H tried to explain that it's going to stay the same, that DS and I will still live where we live and H will still live where he lives. He said he thought DS liked where H lived, liked going over to visit and DS said yes, but he would rather H stayed my husband and lived with us. H said that even though we won't be husband and wife anymore that it doesn't change how we feel about DS. DS said he knows, but he still wants Daddy to stay my husban forever. So H told him that you can't always get what you want.

H then left and I left too. As I was pulling away DS was sobbing, crying "Why Daddy, why?" It killed me to see my baby hurting so much from his father's actions.

[Mystik]

DS called H at quarter after seven this morning, I told him H was still sleeping but he never listens to me. All weekend I've been telling DS that Sunday is a Daddy day and then we're going on vacation. So while talking to H DS asked if it was a Daddy day and H told him no, it wasn't. I got on the phone then, reminded H that we go on vacation tomorrow and he was to take DS today to make up for missing Wednesday. H said he had completely forgotten and asked what time he was to get DS. I suggested 12-5, and he hemmed and hawed. So I gave him an easy out and told him to call us when he woke up. So I'm guessing he and Whore had plans today so now he has to figure out how to keep Whore happy and still get to see DS.