Thanks, I did. Took D3 on a camping trip (her first) with my mom's group. I was the only single parent there, but there was always someone to watch D if I couldn't, etc. I didn't really want to come home... I observed the other couples/families there and, while I know that they probably all have their problems, I saw things that would be nice to have that I either haven't had in a long long time or maybe never did.
- someone who steps in to participate in basic childcare without being asked- or if he is asked, doesn't have a retort or passive-aggressive response - a husband quietly rubbing his wife's shoulders when she's engaged in an activity with the kids - another taking his wife's hand as we all sat around the campfire (boy, that was a moment I felt alone- everyone paired up but me).
It would be nice to have any - or, dare I hope?- all of those things in a partner who cares for and loves me...
My apartment will be available in about 3 weeks, though I probably won't move in totally right away- don't have furniture, etc. yet and need to solidify a custody arrangement. H seems to not think of any of this stuff at all, and even though this was not my choice, it looks like for my own peace of mind and to move on, I will continue to have to do whatever work is required like propose a custody schedule, etc. to not stay in limbo.
Contacted one of the Ls I liked and asked her to send me a fee agreement. Don't really have the money to spend on L right now, but need someone representing me to make sure everything is done right, etc.
Am focusing more on D3 at this time than my R. She is the most important thing in all of this. I have some names of D coaches in my area that can help with co-parenting issues and will go see one alone (nice "co-parenting" start, huh?) since H doesn't want to. I'm not as hurt anymore by how he treats me, but it really disappoints me to see him continue not to pay any attention to how this is all going to affect her and have any kind of thought or planning around it. He thinks it will "all just work itself out" and I'm sorry, when you completely blow up a 3 year old's life - the only one they've ever known- you need to be cautious about how you approach things.
Sadly, after being gone the entire weekend, after hanging out with her for about an hour (entailed him going to sleep on couch while she was left to watch a movie alone), he returned to his computer game the rest of the afternoon and evening and left her and me to our own devices. Why does he want 50% time with her when he can't even be bothered to spend a little time after not seeing her for 2 1/2 days?? I know it's his right, but have no idea why he's asserting it. How do the rest of you deal with an ex who you think is likely to or probably is either ignoring your kid when they have them? It tears me up to think of her looking forward to a couple days with Daddy and having him set her in front of the TV while he plays his game in another room. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Makes me so angry.
I bought my first furniture for my apartment last week and rented a storage unit to keep it til I move. It was both sad and a tiny bit exciting. I don't know why I'm still sad after how he treats me and given that the alternative is to hang around hoping someone who doesn't want me will change his mind... I feel like a lot of the really raw emotions have settled down - maybe b/c my brain and heart have just gotten exhausted- and I'm in this floaty limbo stage where I don't feel too much of anything except tired. I'm not excited about a new life alone, nor am I wanting to really stay and keep trying to DB. Just sad.
I am looking forward to going backpacking by myself next month- I need some alone/reflecting time and will have a lot of driving and hiking and sitting time to do that then.
In the meantime, just trying to keep things as normal as possible for D3 and continue compensating for H not being very present and involved. My GAL has calmed down a bit- I think just b/c I'm tired, my dance class ended and I'm a little depressed to be honest. I will be trying to pick it up again. But I'm worried about being gone too much in the evenings- I don't want that held against me if I try to push for greater than 50% time with D- and I have no idea if that would be a consideration but knowing H, he would definitely make a deal out of it. So I feel I need to stick close to home and make a point of being around most of the time, rather than going out with friends, etc.
