trying to be patient

[FindingMyVoice]

It started with at least a EA. She didn't love me anymore...

Oh... I'm so sorry to hear that, Bobby.

I went to counseling when it first happened, she wouldn't go. She said why "so they can tell me how I should feel" I think I avoid talk for fear of the end. Wimpy huh. Should I say calmly "we can't sweep this under the rug anymore. What do we need to do to make things better and to correct why this happened?" Does that sound like a good way to start? I have to go somewhere with this, it's not healthy.
Oh, the other thing is I haven't asked for any reassurance that she is not still in contact (through e-mail) with OM. When she was moving back I said no more contact with OM and she said I know that. And that was the last time it was brought up.

Oh dear. Bobby, I'm wondering if you might benefit more in Newcomers right now. There's lots more activity there, and I'm thinking it sounds like you're needing some guidance and support sooner rather than later! I think you might get more feedback, and quicker, there.

I'm so sorry, I know that having her in the house might make you feel like you're piecing, but it just sounds like there's so much hurt there still... I'm just not sure you guys are 'there' yet. Particularly because she's not willing to speak about it yet, nor see a MC. It sounds like she's doing just like what you're saying - wanting to sweep it under the rug. Granted she might not be doing it maliciously, or even consciously, it might be just that she's so overwhelmed and confused she just doesn't know how to deal with it. But it sounds like you need to deal with it, so it's very important you get some support. What do you think about trying newcomers?

PS - tell me, why did you stop going to counseling? It sure sounds like you could still use someone to listen. Plus, counseling might help you learn how to initiate those tough discussions that it sounds like you need to have with your W.

Take care, FMV.