Basically you need to set a boundary of NC (No contact) with the OM (other man). She needs to stop all contact with him before any of this can get better. Have you asked her to do this?
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
