No solid proof. I know they have always been friends but other than that nothing.
My suspicion is only based on the fact that I have never met him and she used to speak of him quite a bit. Also one time before the bomb she was out and about and I txt her asking what she was up to. She told me and I just asked who she was with not meaning anything by it. Her response was "Why I was asking" also "why was I jealous". When she got home she told me she was with him but buying stuff for me. I just had a bad feeling about it.
Also I don't trust anyone who hangs around with another woman and hides it from his W. That to me stinks of someone who prev had an A.
All her other friends and colleagues have been quite open and I do not suspect any of them.
I did confront her again on it about 1 month ago and she said they were just friends but in order to ease our situation she would not spend anytime with him outside of work in future.
Of course i have no way to monitor this and given the status of our R and the fact that this was said to ease our separation as opposed to save our M I have no way of policing it.
you may want to approach the guy directly, perhaps even bluffing that you have something on him. Or better yet, start with his wife. He just MIGHT finger your wife (sorry for the phrase) as the one who's batchit crazy/bunny-boiling here, and IF you could get him to do a "Look, I told you, I'm NOT leaving my wife over you, so get that thru your crazy head!" . . . well, that would kill it dead in its tracks.
I agree with this.
If she switched from night to day without even so much as hinting at being upset, then it sounds like something is definitely up.
Originally Posted By: Khudoo
Her friends advice to her was that hooking up with another guy was not going to fix any of her issues.
Your feeling about this guy may be spot on. Have you ever seen them together? That fact that her friends told her "involving someone else" is a HUGE RED FLAG.
Can you afford a private investigator? The money spent ("invested," actually) might be well worth it in the potential divorce/alimony scheme of things.
There's a rat here. I smelled him from the beginning, and I continue to smell him.
Your feeling about this guy may be spot on. Have you ever seen them together? That fact that her friends told her "involving someone else" is a HUGE RED FLAG.
Soleil, I did see them together once but then she has always said they were friends. They did not know I saw them as I was supposed to be at work and my car was in the garage.
They came back from a motorcycle ride and came into our house I heard them speak for a minute and then hug and he left. My W was shocked to see me and startled that i knew she was out with him.
But nothing I heard said anything but "friends" so dont know if I am being paranoid but my gut hurts.
Can you afford a private investigator? The money spent ("invested," actually) might be well worth it in the potential divorce/alimony scheme of things.
There's a rat here. I smelled him from the beginning, and I continue to smell him.
Puppy
Puppy, I have no motive here other than saving my M. The separation we have agreed to includes no alimony and fair division of prop. In fact i will come out better.
In regards to contacting him i will wait till the separation agreement is signed as she will go berserk if she finds out and that may alter the landscape. But I will do it a a last effort.
The way i see it the only thing this can resolve is if he has no interest in that way ( which is doubtful as she is very cute and fun). given that how to phrase an email is the hard bit.
Given that I have not even the slightest shred of evidence it is hard to be threatening.
When I confronted her about him here was her response. I did not really know how to take it. You vets may be better at interpreting it.
Below is her email response
As angry as I was when you mentioned this I have had time to settle my initial reaction. In response to your allegations I am tired of the same claims. I feel I cannot hang around any male friend, specifically "name" without your suspicions rising.
I too am getting worn down by all the [censored] flinging and yes I was on a bike ride with him today because I like not having to think of this crappy situation and found this was the case just driving around.
I know it bugs you that we are friends but in the sake of peace, from now on I will not spend anytime with him, as perhaps that is what will calm this situation down.
I don't know how many times we need to go over this subject and what else I can do to make you believe otherwise, other than what I said above.
I am truly sorry you are hurting and know that probably means nothing coming from me so I am only hoping that by not hanging around him will help in the interim.
Puppy, I have no motive here other than saving my M. The separation we have agreed to includes no alimony and fair division of prop. In fact i will come out better.
If that's indeed the case, then my advice to you is drastically different. I think you should take the agreement and run.
You can always do intel after the D, and try to expose her back toward you, or you could simply wait for the affair to run its course. But you would have a sweetheart deal in your hip pocket, and you'd be a "free man" and dealing from a position of strategic strength.
Keep in mind, that advice is PURELY strategic/tactical advice. It doesn't really take your HEART into account, admittedly.
