Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[idontunderstand]

Is there some guilt that I have? There is a level of guilt in everything I do at home. I feel it from what W has said and done. I feel it from my own thoughts on not being able to do more.

Dude, I get it. I can feel it in your posts. Here's where I can look in from the outside and tell you some things that I'm sure I would have trouble hearing if someone was telling it to me.

Yes, you have made mistakes. I think we all come to that realization when we find ourselves here. Yes, it may be too late to save your M and it sounds like you have accepted that and your part in it. That's all good. What isn't good is allowing yourself to be treated like a dog. You use parasite of leech. Now, if you are fooling all of us and just laying around the house watching the soaps and sitting on the couch in your underwear while the kids are jumping on the furniture and hanging off of the ceiling fan and tearing the place up, you may very well be a leech. I don't think so. You are taking care of your kids while you are going through unemployment and some tough emotional times. It ain't easy and you have risen to the challenge. You have not demanded respect. I'm in the same boat, there. Once you do and she knows you won't put up with anything less, she has to respect you. She doesn't have to even like you. She doesn't have to want to look at you.

I know it sounds like she holds the cards and maybe she does. Just stand up for yourself. Don't let the kids feel sorry for you not eating. They know what's going on. Hell, reach across the table and take her plate. What's she going to do?

I know you are hurting and you need a job. Let go of the guilt. You have to realize that is a tool she is using to break you down. Don't let her. If you have nothing else, you can have your pride back. She cannot take that.

I have come to be able to live this way for now because it will not be forever.

No, it won't be forever, but it will be as long as you let it go on.

You are not a leech. You deserve respect. Now, go earn her respect by standing up to her CB and show your kids the strong father figure that they need along side the loving, caring father that they love and count on every single day!

[LSG]

IDU,

I appreciate your post so much.

I have no trouble hearing anything that could help me though this situation. I use to be defensive, but I need the help.

You are right I should not be treated like this or allow myself to be. I just have been trying to buy myself sometime. The more time I have the more money I will have too.

It is just part of the reason I have allowed her to treat me this way.

I am not fooling anyone here. I am doing exactly as I have posted. I know you are just making a point,and I get that too.

I do need to call out the CB on her. I guess I have just been so worried that she would move before I am ready and able to do the same.


I do see that I need to show the kids that this is not the way you treat anyone. I will have to consider this and do it for the kids. I need them to be good people and be treated with respect in their own Ms.

Always keep it real with me. Do not hold back anything. I have nothing but respect for you. I respect what you and everyone here is trying to tell me. I get it. I just need to do it.

Thank you very much for telling what I need to hear.

[DanF]

Wasn't there a court order that said she HAD to give you some money? She may have earned it, but it is not ALL HER money. You got here together and you deserve at least enough to be healthy. Probably MORE than that. How much would she pay if she had to pay someone to watch the kids as you do? Until the D is final, you are in this together.

My W has no problem taking my court ordered money and then asking for MORE too. Even before the court order, there was always food in the house for all and I made sure she had enough to get done what she needed to. She gets 1/2 of our stuff, because we earned it together, even though I earn 80% of the money. These are decisions we made TOGETHER.

DO NOT feel guilty about this. You have to survive. Stop this nonsense now LSG. It is time to man-up!

[Serenity13]

LSG~

reason I have allowed her to treat me this way

No one should be treated the way 99.9% of us have been treated, you are worth so much more than that my friend.

As one of His children you need to realize this.

The next time you are sneaking food or sitting at the table as she dishes out food to everyone but you, think about this...What in the world would you tell your Son or Daughter if they were in this exact situation?

(((Hugs)))

[LSG]

DanF,

There a court order to pay me, and she finally did yesterday. I caught up my individual bank accout, and deposited the rest. I will catch up my credit cards, so I keep my credit good. I will be able to use them if I need to as well. It is the minor things I will do. I need to pay a payment on cell phone to. I have to put the rest away for a place to move too.

I am hoping to have an interview this week and nail it, so I am working.

You are good guy, and the way you have been toward your W is the way it should be. I would do the same thing if I was in your position with my W. But not everyone does the right thing. She did not do the right thing by an affair and not having adequate amounts of food in the house me and especially the kids.

I appreciate you telling me this because you are the one paying your W support. I have wondered how you would think about me taking support from my W. I guess I have not felt very manly these days. In society being a man having spousal and child support just is not looked at very favorably.

Thank you for putting this in perspective the way you have. I have been a little sensitive about my situation sometimes. To be honest, I am very embarrassed about it.

I am will try to man-up as much much as possible in the coming weeks.

I hope the best for you and your kids always. You are doing so good.

[LSG]

Serenity,

You are right that I deserve to be treated better than this. Know one should have to live this way. I would probably being giving the same advice you and others are giving to me. In fact, I know I would.


When the kids have made comments about this, I tell them it is wrong, and they should never put up with what I am. I need to show them this too, not just tell them.

Thank you for the reminder. I know right from wrong, and I need to respond to this CB in a meaningful way for my kids to see the right way to handle situations they have in their everyday lives.

Thank you!

[LSG]

After I took the kids to the doggie park, I had them shower, and I was looking at the DB forum when W was walking up earlier than expected. I shut down the window quickly. I told her I was going to start dinner soon. I did just that and did not wait for her to do it. I also ate some of it even though she did not buy much stuff to feed all of us. I know I have some real issues with food since this began. I have to really get over my problem with eating in front of her. I felt uncomfortable the whole time. I did enjoy the food because it is my second favorite food to eat.

I did argue with W about an after school program she enrolled the kids in without my consent. I told her it is my decision too. She has to have my permission. She said, "I am a parent too." I said I realize that, but this is not something you can decide without me. I left it at that.

It is just so hard to even argue. I just do not want to do it at all with her because I find I become too angry about it, and it does nothing to solve anything, so I don't even bother. I just leave and stop doing it. I go and do something that makes me happy.

I hope I hear back on the job for an interview tomorrow. It would be great if I am hired. I wish that so much. It is what I want aside from the kids more than anything. I want it for me and them, so we have a life together, and D and S can have their kitten at home with me.

I have so many dreams for how I want my life to be, and the job is key to those dreams.

I want to give special thanks to everyone that has posted to me and are reading my thread. I hope that it helps someone to know they will be okay and do not make the same mistakes I have made and continue to do.

Thanks everyone so much!!!

[dad1b1g]

I guess I have not felt very manly these days. In society being a man having spousal and child support just is not looked at very favorably.

LSG, as we are both in the SAHD role I can relate to this. I am have a very hard time finding a job and each day that goes by and there's no call it takes a little more away. I hate to think of it as a mistake staying home since it allowed me to spend so much tme with the kids, but I believe it is a large part of what broke my M.

I'll pray we both get a job soon so we can take care of our kids.

[LSG]

Dad,

I feel the way that you do. I think not having a job for me help to end my M. I, too, hope we both find jobs very soon. It would help with our sitches very much. At least we would have a more equal footing with WAWs.

My prayers are with you too.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Getting a job is going to do you wonders. For you your job is getting a job, so thats 9-5pm and doing some work at night.

Don't worry about the flack from your wife can't control it, and after this is what you see you had for a partner, I'd hardly call it a partnership.

I'm sure in the future, you'd want a lady who is going to look at you the same with or without a job, and maybe even take some of her time to help you find a job or to use her contacts to do it.

We all got the harsh lesson. I know that my lady is out there, but for now its friends with people I can do that with.