Did you ever get the feeling there is a mysterious force at work (Missherlove, looking at you buddy)
No mysterious forces at work here, the forum is working just the way it is supposed to work and you and everyone else reading and posting here is benefiting.
How else can I say this CD......you draw a crowd!!!
I just wanted to pop in b/c I have been sorta MIA lately. Can't really add too much, I have caught up since the last time I posted and would only add one thing, and you already know what it is.........
TIME
No 2x4's or anything but just a little more than a gentle reminder. As I have said before, your W is following a script, we already know what she is going to do next. You need to maintain your part in this "play" (not that you are acting, changes in you are real).
What I am going to say again also is that your smallest consistent behaviors will be the thing she notices most.
How do you stay consistent?...... making the changes in you real and permanent. This will take TIME, you are still working on it. I would caution you to not look to change everything or reanalyze the situation whenever you have a less than perfect interaction with your W.
Sometimes we are better at it than others but what will bring the Dam crashing down is not one single blow to the facade but a million little pin pricks that will cause little tiny cracks to form and the water will come seaping through. Until eventually the entire thing collapses.
Make sure you give enough TIME to this process. You are definitely making headway in your sitch, but you are about to embark on a phase of this journey where you are going to start to see glimpses of your W again. In ways this is more difficult than it was in the beginning. I struggle with this today, my W is acting normal even affectionate at times but yet she still goes back to the OM. This will be your challenge moving forward.
You are already seeing her starting to show some of the preliminary signs of cracking. Don't get excited, maintain absolutely ZERO expectations, around anything. I know you know these things but it is always good to hear them again, and again, and again, and again.......(cut-n-paste) LOL
If you are feeling down come here, or just take a look over your shoulder......You came hear mid-June and it is mid August, just 2 very short months!!!!! You are doing very well, and I am glad for you, (thinking about doubling down on my bet). I want to balance my words of encouragement with some more words of reality.....actually one word (you guessed it......)
TIME
Use the gift wisely my friend.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
