It sucks, yes. And your ex is such an arse by making it worse for everybody. Why do they continue to obfuscate and lie about their plans? Why the pretense? Why not just come clean, for once?
My own ex played this game before she married her mistake in March. While she was jabbing at me privately about threatening to marry the OM, saying it was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it (as if I cared to try, heh, heh) she was telling our sons to keep it a very close secret. She was telling our two little ones to make sure I didn't find out or else I might "get upset"-- she had them worried about what their own father might say or do. Of course I could see that she was really trying to rally their support, at my expense, through lies and misrepresentation, while at the same time trying to use the very subject of her pseudo conspiracy to try to taunt me via email and voicemail.
Yes, it did hurt. And yes, I could see through all her lies and manipulations --and see the pain and confusion in our S's trying to sort this charade out. The pain and doubt those boys had to work through because of their mother's petty games grieves me most of all.
I am sorry for you and your own kids. Why do they do this? Will they ever see the error of their ways? And how do you help your children through this? The do'er fixer in me wants to do something, but there isn't anything. Just love them and hold their hands ...and pray; that has to be enough for now. It has to be.
