4) she also gives me little desserts when I come over around dinner time
How often does she invite you over for dinner so that you can share a meal with your children and her?
Giving you little desserts almost sounds as if she's giving you treats for being a good little doggy, it's not a nice comparison to be made but something that sticks out to me.
Yes, that does sound funny. Maybe to clarify a little -- before we were separated, I used to complain when she would bake desserts and harp on her about it -- that "she" was making me fat and criticize her for baking so much. This was dumb of me in so many ways because she loves to bake as a way to stress relief for herself, because I could control myself (rather than her), and because the foods she makes are gestures of affection for us and the kids. She brought it up repeatedly as an issue between us. So a 180 for me has been for me to praise her for how well she bakes and that she is doing something she enjoys. The "little desserts" she gives me are things she baked that I previously would have rejected or criticized her for and now I eat appreciatively.
All of y'all's GENERAL points, though, of what has W done for ME, what intimacy steps has W taken towards ME, what pursuit or steps towards family re-bonding has W taken towards ME are well-taken though. I need to think about this some. There have been some instances of baking and some opening of her heart and emotional world to me. It's clearly true though that the balance is much more on my end. I have justified this as amends for my past neglect and EA's, but it's the pendulum issue. By being too extreme, I may be doormatting myself.
She is still in a selfish "woe is me" WAS mode. Frankly, she is a little overwhelmed with life. She rarely cooks meals for herself and the kids and usually gets takeout or super easy meal (mac and cheese) because she is too stressed with work, surgery, kids, life.
My lower back and a$$ actually could use some massaging now -- all wound up from spinning. I will try to hit her up for some of that tonight and see what happens -- likely no way jose pyrotechnics.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
