Standing tall for myself--forever & ever, amen.

[beingreal]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. It's been a rough few weeks.


Another update... just 'cuz the hits keep comin'.


I found out today that we are going to have to take one day a pay of low census time. I work three twelve hour shifts. I'm going down to 60 hours a pay.

60.

I won't have any vacation time to help cover it, so I'm down that income. Period.

I called H to tell him what was going on & to tell him that I really needed him to start helping out financially. I don't think it's unfair. I asked if we could have a conversation, he kept bringing up the past. How this was my fault, how I should ask my father to lower my rent, how everyone else should "step up"--everyone BUT him.

I don't want to argue. I just need him to start helping. The email I sent him about taking the kids while I'm recovering has him taking them every weekend in September. I know it sounds like a lot, but it's really only FOUR extra days that month... for a total of eight. Eight days. Seriously...

You'd think I'd asked him for 10K to go on vacation. "What is it you think you need?"

Clothes. Shoes. Food. Medicine.

ALL for the kids. jackass.

He was so nasty, I told him I was hanging up & then I did.

I got home to a message on the answering machine saying that he fully intended to take care of his kids, but I was going to have to wait. He'd be finished with college in a year & he'd help then.

A year. I'll just tell winter that it needs to wait a year because the boys need new coats. I'll tell the doctor's offices that I'll gladly pay them next YEAR for services rendered today.

I just want to beat my head against a wall with him some days.



I cried & vented & carried on for about an hour (my deepest gratitude for the person who opted to listen to ALL of it). Then I stopped, made a phone call to another therapist who has told me before she needs help with her CPAP patients & thought about looking for a bartending gig somewhere. I don't know how, but I'm a fast learner. ;o)

I have no problem with going back to waiting tables if it helps. The only other option is finding a per diem job in one of the bigger cities, like Cleveland, Columbus or Cincinnati. At the least I'll have an hour & a half drive one way. Three hours if I go to Cinnci. I'd be better off bartending closer to home & saving the gas money. kwim?

Eff him. Seriously... WTFever, H.

This little stunt? Yeah, it hurts right now... but when I'm done & have found my way through it, the only thing you will have accomplished is forcing me to be a little more self reliant. A little stronger. A little more determined. That will never be a bad thing.

Excuse me, H, but I need to get to steppin'. (nickel whoever grabs it first at this point)

But don't be surprised that all of this steppin' leads me to just steppin' right on over you while you insist on lying on the floor, in a little whineyass ball, waiting for someone to come & pick you up, babe.

You can knock me down but you won't break me. No matter how hard you try.


Just thought I'd share. Thanks for listening.