Tool number 7 in the "Hold on to Your NUTs" book written by Wayne Levine is "Listen".
Also, chapter 5 (Listening Is the Solution) in "For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" goes into details about why her feelings about the problem is the problem and how to fix your urge to fix.
kat, that's a great suggestion. You're right if you need help just ask a guy straight out "do you think you can help me with xyz?".
NB, it was really just a general question- nice try though I do say "how can I help? or what can I do to help?" but then my inner "superman" takes over
CG, funny that sounds so familiar. Yes, I work in IT and when a co-worker tells me she has a problem with her computer I usually tell her to call the helpdesk- unless she's cute in which case I give her mine right there on the spot and tell my boss my computer fried I'm taking the rest of the day off- a win-win
Sol, I'm a master validator...that sounds hot doesn't it?
I think Oscar Wilde was correct:
"Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening"
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Kerry, thanks for the book references. I'm all booked out lately but these might be worth getting!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I totally cannot help with this one, cuz in my marriage, I was like the guy and my husband was like the woman! I always come up with ideas on how to fix things, he just wanted to vent and have sympathy for how horrible he thought his life was, lol.
I totally cannot help with this one, cuz in my marriage, I was like the guy and my husband was like the woman! I always come up with ideas on how to fix things, he just wanted to vent and have sympathy for how horrible he thought his life was, lol.
Ellie
Technically, it sounds like you were in a gay marriage. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Good grief! how did we go from talking about a nice vacation with a few hot girls to talking about gays and transexuals?! Not that there's anything wrong with it...
So STBXW sent me a text yesterday: "DD has no school next Fri, they're off. Can u stay home to watch her? I stayed the other day when she was sick"
My first thought: LOL!! yeah why don't you tell me whatelse I should do in life?
My second thought: Well I appreciate you staying home that day but I didn't ask you to do that. However, I'm glad you take your 50% of the parenting responsibility a little more seriously than our M...really I'm glad you do.
My third thought: It always has to be tit-for-tat...ALWAYS!
But...since I'm cool, calm and collected my response will be:
"I'm well aware her school's off that day. Please have her ready by 7AM for me to come pick her up."
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
argggh, the tit for tat! I have that ALL the time with H. And he will say it's ME who "keeps score". Most infuriating. And childish. And you know, if they just left that little bit out about 'b/c I did it last time'... we'd probably have a much kinder disposition about the request (or order, which it sometimes resembles more...)
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I do say "how can I help? or what can I do to help?" but then my inner "superman" takes over 