How are things going with you? Have you moved out yet? Please let me know how you are...
Hi Susan- I'm doing ok. I'll post an update today on my thread (link below) and that's the best place to check up on me- this space is for YOU (but it's really nice of you to ask) .
No, earliest move out would be mid-Sept but I'll probably do it in stages as I buy furniture etc. I don't even have a bed for me or D yet, so we won't go right away.
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I stayed two nights at my brother's this week. Monday, I told H I was going away for a few days. I did not tell H were I was going. (Sunday H said I should go to a retreat to "get my head" wrapped about things, that I was in denial M is dead, which I had been. I didn't leave for the two days because H suggested it. I left for ME. H asked for an emergency number, said "shouldn't we talk before you leave, let me know where are you going, so I don't worry". I said you can call my cell if emergency arises. I had my bag packed when he came into the house after his walk. H looked surprised.
I felt better being away from H and his "all business persona". Not being at "home", I didn't have to look at all that is/was near and dear.I am getting less and less "emotional" and more businesslike about the stuff /things in H's house. I consider this 100% H's house now. The cold way he acts is off putting and I will never let him see me upset.
I'm glad you got an emotional break and change of scenery. It's funny that we've got these big fears about separating (which are legitimate), but also end up appreciating how it feels to spend time away from them given how they're treating us now, right? I file those thoughts and feelings away to remind myself that the future isn't all bad- it will be a relief in some ways to not be under the same roof.
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H told me when I arrived back home today, nothing has changed, leg sep still on. I told him I wouldn't choose a leg sep, but he has, so let's get it done!!
I will be moving in with my brother before December 1st, which is my "vacate" H's home date.
H and I see a lawyer on Wednesday for a free consult re: leg sep. H is saying we might be able to use one lawyer( H wants all handled as cheaply as poss!!!), if we are agreeable with all included in leg sep doc. I told H I am not sure about that, but that getting a few questions answered in a free consult is okay for now.
The fast time frame is a concern for me, but H insists it's the "limboland " issue that drives that.
This can't go any faster than you want it to, b/c he needs you to participate. If it's going too fast then tell him look, I need time to consult my own L and get this surgery behind me. Yes, I'm still moving out and yes we're proceeding with D, but I have other priorities I need to deal with so we'll get to the paperwork when both of us have the time and all the info we need.
You MUST see an L by yourself, the sooner the better. Can you call a few this week to set up consultations? It's often free or cheap. Only use a mediator/1 L if you are 100% sure you know your rights, etc. Even then, please still consult your own L before signing anything to make sure you're getting what is due to you, etc.
So when are you moving in with your brother? How long can you stay with him?
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