Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[BeingMe]

Hi MM78. Wish you weren't here, but this has been a great place for me in my marriage woes.

It is hard to be a doctor's wife ... you have to constantly be thinking of ways of spending what little time they have, together. Not only as a couple, but as a family. My BIL's (also a doctor) wife had this as one of her big issues, and now they are divorced.

I have just read through your thread, and I find some similarities to my sitch, in that my H is also depressed, and we also moved away to a city where I didn't have any friends. We have been here for almost 6 years, and this was going to be a new beginning after his EA in 2004/2005. Nothing has changed ... he is still miserable, but now even worse since he feels everything is happening all at once (which it's not). He says the same thing as your H .... hates his job, hates his life, doesn't want s*x, blah blah blah. I am so sick of it. I have become the WAW. I want a S. I don't love this version of my H. This R has become toxic, and life is too short for this, but I also feel strongly about our vows, and to stay in health, for better or worse. So, I need to find a way to get him back to health before I feel I can, in all conscience, leave.

Okay, so back to your sitch. With what I have experienced; I think that you should apply the Last Resort Technique (LRT). Don't spend the next 5 years in limbo, waiting for the man you married. He's not going to come back unless he wants to, and he will need a wake up call, a jumpstart. While things are quiet, he'll hang around because he doesn't want to tipple the barrel. Note that he was leaving it all up to you .... you have everything, I don't care, do what you want, just leave me alone kinda thing .... even that you should block the OW's phone, etc.? My H's words almost verbatim. They need to be in counseling, but it's too much trouble for them. Yet, if they made the effort, how much better they would feel, in time. Of course, nothing comes over night, so patience is needed too.

I'm not sure what actions you should take. You do have 2 little ones to think of, whereas I had much older kids. Even young children can sense when things aren't quite right although I guess yours has had this all their life, so don't know any different.

I can tell you from other people's threads that Coach is usually spot on.

Take care.