Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

Hehe, ya ya, I hear ya guys re: the oversupplication.

I think there are a few different dynamics at work here.

1) She IS and always has been a bit of a drama queen. I'm ok with that NOW (wasn't before), that's who she is. She's always tended to have a low pain tolerance and sought attention and support when she has felt stressed or overwhelmed with stuff. Before, as Puppy said, I was at the other end of the pendulum in being not responsive and non-supportive (and even CRITICAL of her for being a drama queen). So, I have swung too far the other way now.

2) The surgery was originally scheduled to happen before she moved out, but got pushed back because of insurance reasons. While the timing was elective, the procedure was judged as being medically necessary by insurance because her knockers were giving her back problems (32G pre-surg). I had agreed to be caregiver for her back in March (pre-separation), so in some ways I feel like I was standing by my word to her by caregiving for her now. The balance I need to do better with is where the reasonable caregiving stops and the doormatting begins, and y'all's input helps.

3) I like the emphasis on helping with physical stuff you guys make. With the boob reduction, they recommended avoiding any repetitive motions involving the upper body, especially things involving overhead motions. That's where the dishwasher comes in (think of stretching up to put dishes away in overhead cabinets). That also covers vacuuming (which I'm gonna do later today), putting things up on walls involving screwing, hammering, etc; and helping PHYSICALLY with our squirmy little ones (getting them dressed, bathing them, putting them in car, etc.). I'm guessing after another 1-2 weeks of this, there will be no more medical reason for this. I am considering going to her next doctor's follow-up in 1-2 weeks to see if the doctor can clarify for each of us what activities she is physically capable of doing given her current recovery level. Thoughts?

4) I also like the emphasis on looking out for myself and my own needs in the context of doing this. I definitely get more time with kids from doing this, and she also gives me little desserts when I come over around dinner time and gives me breakfast if I come over in AM.

5) Ah, the foot rubs. Massages for us in the past were a form of foreplay. With the footrubs recently, I had her all lotioned up and was massaging her from her pelvis, thighs and hips to her feet. I guess I should stop since it's not going anywhere and just leaves her feeling in control and me frustrated at the end of everything.

What about like last night when she does stuff like asks me to rub her back cause it hurts from her looking at files all day. Then when I rub her back and work down to the lower part of her back she asks me to rub her a$$ more? She keeps saying how good it feels and I grab both cheeks and work them over good in my hands. Then when I move back to her back she asks for more a$$ rubbing. I mean WTF??? While I was doing it I thought, hey I don't mind this, I'm grabbing some booty and helping her feel better. But is that supplicating?? I don't see it as a boundary for me (to rub or not rub a$$), but it just seems a little weird that my sep W wants me to rub her a$$??