How To Tell The Kids

[A_goodman]

Dan

What color light saber are you going to go with?

I'm really happy for you man. I'd say you might even make out a little better when the L gets back. Either way you sound happy.

I knew you'd kick ass.

[LSG]

DanF,

If you are good with this arrangement, then that is great. However, do not sign anything without discussing it with the attorney.

I would still consider the 50-50 co-parenting for yourself and the kids.

You have done a great job, and do not back down from what you want to have happen your D.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

I read your last couple posts last night. You did good.

From my divorce agreement:

"We acknowledge and agree that although it is desirable to dissolve our marital relationship, it is not in the best interest of our children to dissolve our parental relationship.. Accordingly, we agree and confirm that it is in the best interest of our children that we share parental responsibilities for our children."

"Shared decision making: ....we shall discuss all major decisions....make all such decisions together".

"Day to day decisions...shall be made by the parent with whom they are staying"

"If we are unable to agree we shall consult appointed parenting coordinator"

The meat of mine:

"Normal Parenting schedule"

The Children will reside with Father every Monday and Tuesday and with Mother every Wednesday and Thursday. The parties will alternate the weekends (Friday, Saturday, Sunday).

Beginning the first Friday of summer school break, the children will alternate week long parenting time. The non-residential parent shall have a dinner visit on Tuesday evening.

If this week long parenting schedule goes well and is supported by the kids therapist and the parenting coordinator, then the schedule shall carry into the school year.

I got 50/50 any way I could...I had clause to get it to week on/week off--supported by two professionals.

After D, MsR2C and I reach agreement through email exchanges to change dinner visit from Tuesday to Wednesday (at her request and several lies at first...)

I suggest you next offer to her this (Days are overnights):

Mother: Sunday/Monday
Father: Tuesday/Wednesday
Alternate: Thursday/Friday/Saturday
This is a 2/5/5/2

And have a clause similar to mine about migrating to week to week. a 7/7 with midweek diner visit.

Be attractive: Do not back down for what is right:

Your relationship with your kids.

Your responsibility as a parent. Anything less than 50/50 shows weakness and is unattractive to women.Agreeing to less is different than being forced to less.

This plan work out to her having 209 nights with the kids to my 156.

This is good thing...This is the minimum you have to settle for! The less equal, the more it HURTS YOUR KIDS....Keep leading! Stand firm on your belief for equal.

[Ready2Change]

I am MrMom 50% of the time. I am my kids role model. I make dinners, I do the laundry, I show them how to have fun. I take them food shopping. I make sure they get at least 3 baths a week. I let them pick out their clothes. I let them get dressed. I let them spend their money. I let them get dirty. I show them how to treat women well. I let them order their food when out....the list goes on and on.... We leave for good times on a Friday night and then come home Sunday night...they sleep, eat breakfast, get dressed, go to school. I parent different than MsR2C. Neither one of our styles are wrong, just different.

I am also MrSingle: Adult time is Friday night, Saturday night. Long romantic weekends dates start Friday afternoon and end Sunday afternoon.

Dan, Just understand I am just giving you choices on what is possible. What ever you decide is OK. Standing up to MsR2C was hard, but the right thing to do. She wanted me to walk away. She wanted me to be a weekend dad. She wanted to control me.....Did not happen.

[lostnhurt]

DanF, I've been reading your posts for sometime, our sitch is very similar. I have to say reading your latest posts it sounds like you are really focusing on what's important, you and your kids and not letting anything get in the way.

Keep it up, I know its not easy, I still struggle with it daily.

[bluestar]

Great job, Dan. I know that was hard but you were fantastic. I'm glad that R2C brought up the week on/off parenting plan. Most families where I am get that schedule. I wasn't sure about it at first but for most kids I know, even the younger kids, it works great. We also see alot of schedules that end up like R2C's initial proposal the 2/5/5/2. By the way, it's easier to get a 50/50 plan initially than it is to change it once you've been doing something for awhile.

Whatever you decide will be ok. None of us will be disppointed. We just want to help you know what's possible.

[DanF]

Thanks for the support everyone. I really appreciate it.

AG, make my lightsaber green and a sleek model.

R2C,

I suggest you next offer to her this (Days are overnights):

Mother: Sunday/Monday
Father: Tuesday/Wednesday
Alternate: Thursday/Friday/Saturday
This is a 2/5/5/2

Be attractive: Do not back down for what is right:

Your relationship with your kids.

Your responsibility as a parent. Anything less than 50/50 shows weakness and is unattractive to women.Agreeing to less is different than being forced to less.

I could live with the 2/5/5/2 plan. I think it is a good suggestion, but giving her the one extra night doesn't really seem like a big deal to me as long as we can agree that in our case days = nights.

Do you really think that me agreeing to that one night would make me unattractive to her?

[DanF]

DanF, I've been reading your posts for sometime, our sitch is very similar. I have to say reading your latest posts it sounds like you are really focusing on what's important, you and your kids and not letting anything get in the way.

Keep it up, I know its not easy, I still struggle with it daily.

Thanks LNH, I think our sitch's are very similar too, which is why I have been trying to keep up with you. I don't recall seeing you here much lately though. Sorry if I am just missing it or have you been on your own? How are things going? I'll try to look you up again.

[DanF]

I am MrMom 50% of the time. I am my kids role model. I make dinners, I do the laundry, I show them how to have fun. I take them food shopping. I make sure they get at least 3 baths a week. I let them pick out their clothes. I let them get dressed. I let them spend their money. I let them get dirty. I show them how to treat women well. I let them order their food when out....the list goes on and on.... We leave for good times on a Friday night and then come home Sunday night...they sleep, eat breakfast, get dressed, go to school. I parent different than MsR2C. Neither one of our styles are wrong, just different.

I am also MrSingle: Adult time is Friday night, Saturday night. Long romantic weekends dates start Friday afternoon and end Sunday afternoon.

Dan, Just understand I am just giving you choices on what is possible. What ever you decide is OK. Standing up to MsR2C was hard, but the right thing to do. She wanted me to walk away. She wanted me to be a weekend dad. She wanted to control me.....Did not happen.

Thanks R2C. That sounds like a pretty good life. My parenting style is much different than my W's also. I am more like you where I think you need to let the kids explore and do their own thing sometimes, keeping the reins looser as they get older. My W, on the other hand, does everything for the kids and worries constantly. She has turned my S into a big worrier too. He was fretting about a bee in the pool last night for gosh sakes! All throughout our M, including now, W believes she knows best and that her way is the only way to do things. Nobody has ever been good enough to take care of her kids, including me.

I told W and the mediator yesterday that "my kids needed to spend equal time with me because they needed to learn some independence and they are not getting it from W. She does everything for them." She also monitors their every move. Maybe I am a bit too lax, but there has to be a balance. The mediator asked W if she agreed with that statement and she actually said "Yes." I was kind of stunned!!!

Thanks for the good advice R2C. I can see a bit of me in you and I am sure that I will be fine whenever this all shakes out.

[Ready2Change]

Do you really think that me agreeing to that one night would make me unattractive to her?

I think backing down to her makes you unattractive...Ladies may be able to give you more insight.

Mediator ..did tell W that she reads everything and attends many conferences and that the conventional wisdom now is that equal time with both parents is what is best for the kids.

What did the mediator say that conventional wisdom is.....

"I love my children,I am a good Father."