I'm not sure to what extent your differences with your H are the problem. It sounds like you no longer want to participate in the same old patterns. In DB, MWD states that if you're not seeing enough of a change in the M, it's because you haven't changed enough. It's also possible that there isn't anything you can do to influence your H at this time, but as long as there is something for you to work on for personal growth, that is where your energy should go, and see how it influences the M.
You seem like you want results quickly. In DB, MWD also discusses the importance of experimentation and allowing enough time to evaluate the results. It's a constant process of revision and fine-tuning until you begin to see changes in the M.
Boundaries in M is heavy on bible-verse, though the message is valid for everyone. I'm benefitting from Breaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael Yapko. It's a good book to help us see internal patterns that aren't productive.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
