I don't think I wasted a good one. I might not have knocked it out of the park, but no plan survives contact with the enemy...
Follow through on that promise doesn't mean cutting her out of my life. It means listening to her, letting her do what she feels she needs to do, and me doing what I need to do.
She's the one who brought up more MC. That she thought it was very helpful.
My goal wasn't to get her to move out. Or to stay. It was to tell her that she's been heard; that I know what she's feeling.
And she responded better than anything else I've done. She opened up to me, asked me questions about us that she needed to know.
If she really doesn't know what she wants to do, then is me pushing her out the Right Thing? Forcing a crisis? I'm not sure about that.
According to Hugh Everett's interpretation of the quantum-mechanical "Schrödinger's cat" paradox, (when does a quantum system stop existing as a superposition of states and become one or the other?) every event is a branch point.
Before you open the box cat is both alive and dead. When you open the box you experience one or the other outcome.
Irrespective of when the box is opened, both the "alive" and "dead" cats exist but due to "many-worlds" are in different branches of the universe, exist in parallel worlds. Both of which are equally real, but which cannot interact with each other.
You are stuck in the box.
You need to stop trying to experience all possible alternative histories and futures and decide on one course of action.
PS You want her to talk then be interesting and interested.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
PS You want her to talk then be interesting and interested.
Gah. I let her go. She needs to make her own choices, otherwise I'm just controlling her again. She wants to stay and work on us; she wants to continue counseling. So now I tell her no, that won't work anymore? Just GTFO? If she was just trying to use the counseling as validation for leaving (like she did with our previous counselor) I might agree. But she isn't.
I didn't do anything to discourage her from leaving; either visiting friends or separating. I just listened to her; she said that she didn't want to burn any bridges by leaving; that she wanted to be sure.
Why do you keep thinking you need to do something that's going to show her anything?
How about you go about the business of being the best Pinhead you can be and no pressure on her to figure out what she wants to do.
Don't ask her what she is going to do.
You tell her what you are doing - work, health, hobbies, friends, family, etc.
Stop trying to fix it. Your wife is dying to get the "feeling" back. Her feelings will change when the pressure of you is gone. Don't chase a cat. Last night when you let all the pressure off and were just being yourself, no R talk, having fun, flirting - what happened?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You want a happy wife. Then all your dreams come true.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Stop trying to fix it. Your wife is dying to get the "feeling" back. Her feelings will change when the pressure of you is gone. Don't chase a cat. Last night when you let all the pressure off and were just being yourself, no R talk, having fun, flirting - what happened?
Perfectly said, Coach.
PH - you are still pursuing.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
I understand what you're saying, but I thought that part of letting go was letting the WAS do what she wants to do (within boundaries). She wants to do MC. She thinks that some time away (a short time) might help her.
I missed the memo where dropping the rope meant pushing them away when they're saying they want to stay.
Why do you keep thinking you need to do something that's going to show her anything?
How about you go about the business of being the best Pinhead you can be and no pressure on her to figure out what she wants to do.
Don't ask her what she is going to do.
You tell her what you are doing - work, health, hobbies, friends, family, etc.
Stop trying to fix it. Your wife is dying to get the "feeling" back. Her feelings will change when the pressure of you is gone. Don't chase a cat. Last night when you let all the pressure off and were just being yourself, no R talk, having fun, flirting - what happened?
Ok, I'm so confused now. Since I posted last night, I haven't said anything about doing anything. In fact the only thing I said was about her reading my email. How did it go from me removing the pressure on her to suddenly trying "to show her anything?" All I said was that I was going to make the MC appt., after she made it emphatically clear she wanted to continue.
