FMV,
It does sound like courage, boundary-setting, expressiveness, and assertiveness are your skill areas to work on. I think you're right. If you don't improve in these areas, your M will go into the same old patterns--a M on his terms.

I recommend Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud.

CL

CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching