I chose the road less traveled by #31

[BobbiJo]

I hear ya! It's one thing to lie during the A b/c they want to cover their butts. But once we are divorced I don't understand the need to keep lying. Pretty annoying...

Good plan, take a road trip. Omaha is lovely in the fall...

[BeginningAgain]

I think they just get used to saying anything they want and once you've developed a habit of lying it's hard to go back to telling the truth. Pretty sad if you ask me.

[kat727]

We do need to meet up some time. I did e-mail back that I was already making plans with the kids. He replied that he just wanted to get this set as far in advance as possible. So I replied, that is was my weekend don't see what the issue is with my having plans.

I am just a tad evil. Maybe this will just feel like bad cramps...like a knife being twisted in your back and stomach at the same time. I've endured a lot, I can endure this too.

kat

[kat727]

Now who is the idiot? He e-mail back something about we both have plans for the 24th? He will ask his parents if he needs to. I replied, no I have plans the 16th-17th. I will be fine having the kids the next weekend.

It will hurt but just spit it out.

[mishka422]

Good grief! What a dumba$$!!! Just spit it out!!! GAG!!

[kat727]

I don't know why he likes to drag all this pain out. He should have just married her right away and gotten it out of the way. We aren't in any battle anymore but he continues to hurt me.

Not because I want him but just as a see my affair partner were really in love, I didn't love you. I was so right to have an affair.

I know I am worth so much more than he gives me credit for. It will be my turn soon enough and I am not rushing in any where.

kat

PS now he tells me that he will be taking a cruise(our last family vacation was a cruise) and he will give all the info to his parents and one of our friends. Look dude you are on a boat. There is nothing you can do way out there!

[LauraOh]

**hugs Kat**

I love to tell people the story of my dad and my step mom.

Yes, she was the affair partner. They married. I got to see FIRST HAND how sucky her life was with my dad.

He NEVER trusted her. Very paranoid, very controlling, very verbally ugly to her putting her down all the time because he didn't want her to leave HIM like he left my MOTHER.

My dad ruled the roost with an iron fist and they had to put up with each other because as I reminded her often, she broke up our family to get him--he is ALL HERS!! That used to PISS HER OFF!!!

Your H's story is far from over. My neighbor and her ex? Same thing--it's a pattern. This wasn't a love built on dating and courtship and all the beautiful stuff that love is based on.

It was based on lying, sneaking around, and sex. Nice. What a legacy.

You got the best of him, whatever that was. Time will show you that. You are a fantastic mom and wonderful gal who WILL be triumphant in the end!!

[kat727]

Thanks Laura! I know he isn't anything like what he was when we first got married, had the kids. Life does wear on you. It is so easy to get into a rut and so hard to get out.

He told me once after the affair started, that love shouldn't be hard. It should be easy with no work involved, that is how he knows this is really love. Yes, he became an idiot.

I really do see the wrong turns I made here and there. I carried a lot of the R by myself for a long time. I stopped asking for his opinion because he never knew what he wanted, so I would just get it done. I never wanted to be both roles in our house...it just happened that way. I have learned an awful lot along the way. I am going to take those lessons with me.

kat

[ImprovedRomeo]

Great post Laura, thanks for sharing that.

Hugs (((kat)))- we all know now that marriage is just a piece of paper if the idea behind it holds no value to the people in it and he's proven already how much he values a M. Also, don't forget that his M won't change a thing in YOUR life, the sun will still come up, the birds will still chirp, the life will go on, things will be how they are today or how they've been for you the past couple of years. So screw him! if he wants to take a bath in the sh!t pool hey who're you to feel bad...

Lastly I wanted to say that in addition to being a great, hardworking mom you're also one of the smarter people I know and you'll get through this phase ok too.

[kat727]

Are you trying to win brownie points?? If so you are doing a great job of it. I know the world didn't fall apart despite my worst fears when all of this happened. Fear can be such a powerful enemy.

I know that I will find love again and someone to rub toes with. It will happen when it is supposed to and not because I miss it. One of the dangers of being smart...your head knows all of this and tries oh so hard to reason with your heart. The heart of course is ready to leap right now at the first sign of affection. The trick is finding balance.

Thanks for your kind words. they really do hit the spot!

kat