I keep struggling with the balance of being helpful/responsive (180ing my previous neglect/unavailability) vs. being pursuing/solicitous/supplicating.
Man, that IS one of THE toughest things in all of DBing. In my opinion, after reading all of your most recent posts, you've swung a little too far in the other direction, Busto (foot rubs? Seriously?? c'mon . . . ). I think the post-surgery PHYSICAL stuff is okay, but you're also rescuing her from parenting, and she needs to feel what it's like to parent without you.
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being totally supplicating and 10 being totally distant/hardass, I'd say -- at this stage -- you want to be about a "4" (I'd normally say 5 or 6, but I'm taking your word that your past marital style was too controlling and emotionally distant). So, a "4". But right now, you seem to be about an "2."
Go back and re-read what you were doing that was WORKING, and get back to being "that guy."
