To Tell or Not to Tell

[LRT Land]

I am reading all your posts and weighing everything. H is so mean and selfish. Mr. Hyde has appeared as I dreaded. 5 days without sx and he's a monster again. He's blaming me for all of this. He mentioned that he had to hire a lawyer before I found my sx drive and now I'm trying to for him to be almost 80 with a kid in college.

In many ways, divorce would have been easier. I wouldn't be pg. I'm still really hoping the tests tell me a miscarriage is looming, because I don't think I can have this baby. If we hadn't moved 1 1/2 from my job - if I were younger - if I had any support system apart from an online one - then it would be okay. Instead, I have a very sick mother and no one else.

I think I'll probably be crying for the rest of the year. And no, I don't need to make a decision today, but soon. In the next couple of weeks. I know if it goes too long I won't be able to do anything as I'll be too emotionally involved. Maybe I already am. It's good that I feel so bad physcially - my head hurts, my stomach, my back. If I think about how hard a pg will be on my maybe that will make it all easier. I am so stupid for letting this happen. I'd asked him to get a v but he was afraid of it. I can't take bcp because my hormones were so messed up. Just makes this even more of a miracle.

At least I didn't take his bait. I started to argue then just shut my mouth. He can't handle any form of stress so I was expecting it. I just wasn't expecting him to spew such nonsense.

RGB - I'm honored to be your first post.