WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Forrest Gump]

"i read somewhere that the longer you are separated with no contact, he will get used to you not being there instead of missing you. so basically, the longer i am separated from my h, he is getting used to life without me. he doesn't miss me. so .. why would he want to reconcile?"

"it is when i read that piece of information, that it triggered this snowball in me. to start thinking that maybe there was somebody else. that he no longer thinks of me. that he's thinking of somebody else .. and it just takes over."

So.. you did it to yourself?

Do you believe everything you read?

Don't say yes.. cause I will disagree with you.

"i feel like an idiot for trying to save something that i see is impossible to save. that's where my head is at. i feel stupid. very stupid."

Then quit. Stop posting and live your life. It is the "easy" thing to do. It also is just more of the same from you.

"i don't want to prove. i just want to know.
i don't want to have my head buried in the sand. you know that it's my dealbreaker."

If it was truly a deal breaker.. you would have already been filing. The way I "see" it is it is just you looking for the answer. Again.. I don't think it would change things for you.

Assume he is. It is the smart thing to do.

What now?

"i want to know why you think there are openings because i simply don't see them."

Your L is telling you to try and have a sit down with him.

That seems fairly important to me.

I am crazy though.

"i see the door firmly shut. and i wonder whether i'm going to 'lose'. i feel like i'm losing the battle."

Again.. stop posting and move on.

"the longer we are separated with no contact, the less he will miss me. the door isn't going to open for me.
with no contact, there is no seeing what i'm doing."

Again.. more of the same.

I don't care if he ever "sees" it. This is not the goal. He has to make the choice to come back. If he does.. I want you ready. I am thinking ahead.. and preparing you for what might come. You are still living in the moment.

I thought you had caught up some.

"my separation is starting to become longer than most."

Really? Hmm.. I know a few people that have you beat... and they have kids.

"allen_a started asking me a bunch of questions about my h and his family history. and that re-opened the history books. he didn't fill my head with thoughts of 'oh he must be seeing someone'. he had me looking at things from a different perspective but i don't belong in that forum right now."

Why?

If you don't belong.. why are you there?

I am not the one you want supporting you when you are down. I am here to push you. As history has shown.. I will do it to a fault. Call me a "drama queen".

But I only post where I think I can help. I would not be wasting my time if I did not think you had a chance. Nothing I have seen so far has said to me.. this "stitch" is done.

But.. you have to step out of your comfort zone.. and test the waters. It is gonna sting a bit.. but that is life.

You need to GAL.. some more.

Think about what you want.