WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

You are afraid to leap. You don't want to look foolish.

yes and yes.
maybe it's that 'need to win' in me.
i've said it in the previous post. it's all i know. how do i change it?
i envision the work to be like me gripping on to h's leg and begging him to not leave me. i don't want to be that woman. it looks so bad. a strong capable woman having to beg a man to stay with her? i have too much pride for that.

It is making you feel anxious--normal, very, very normal.

i do feel anxious. and for some reason, my sixth sense tells me another legal bomb is about to get dropped.

It's like the other stuff. There are steps. There is work. The more you do the work, the less scary it will be.

forrest says we are done working on me. it's time to work on the sitch. what kind of work is involved in that?

Don't be afraid of looking foolish--especially around here. You are a loving person. You loved. You have that ability and that emotion. It is admirable--not foolish. That is who YOU want to be. Always keep in the front of your mind--who do YOU want to be.

i feel shame. i've had a few people tell me that d is very common and that there's nothing to be ashamed about it. but to me, it's very shameful.
it's public knowledge that someone doesn't want me.
that in itself is shameful.
and that's why i've always been looking for an out. i don't want to be told twice that i am not wanted.

that's what i'm afraid of. that the work is going to involve begging, groveling (sp?) and making myself look desperate, needy, and weak.

And taking that leap WILL make you proud of yourself. You can proudly say "I did everything I could". There is a lot of power in that statement.

i've barely done anything. it's no wonder forrest says i've done a little bit of work. there's more to do?

all that stuff and you will meet them bit by bit and grow in your confidence.

right now, i feel like i've taken steps back.

Take the leap. or we'll have to push you off.lol.

why does this remind me of swim class in grade 6?

somehow i feel a legal setback coming on. i feel like the two month absence of h is due to him planning some big legal war against me. it's a strong vibe. and that has me conflicted. yes, i know .. i need to get rid of these thoughts. but it's that part of me that has to prepare myself from getting blindsided.

i have nobody to help me. i have my l and that's it. i'm not the vindictive woman that you hear about when a h asks for a d. i'm just playing by the book. why waste money on a legal battle?