Of course I appreciate your honesty. Not offended, a little surprise but its to be expected. You girls are my friends... And I expect your honesty! No one has listened to me go through my sitch the way you all have.
Of course I am happy with the direction this is going in, but I do have my list of expectation from my H as well as from my M. My expectations are much higher having gone through the past 8 months. I explained this to H. He knows I'm not one to be toyed with. And although I'm not a great DBer I'm not a pushover either.
H told me today that if I will agree to it, he would like to wrk things out between us. He wants to go to MC so that we can reoncile the right way. We usd to do everything together...made all decisions and plans equally. I told H if he is serious then the ball is in his court. So he said he's like to call the group I mentioned to him back in april/may and will set up the appointment. He said I told him plenty of times, that with me it was all or nothing, and he feels that he is 100% committed to making this work. He said he knows we have what it takes. Said he wants to grow old with me and have a family with me. Said he loves being around me and he hurts when he has to leave at night. I told him, as I told him when he left after the baby was born, unless we live in this house as a married couple and are in counseling, there is no reason for him to be here. When he moves back home, its in our bedroom together. We agreed to takes things slow. H said he want to do it right and enjoy every moment. Said he doesn't care what our family and friends have to say bc he knows what he feels and wouldn't have asked me to work things out if he didn't feel strongly about it. So we also decided we will need to start dating all over again. From scratch. Which is pretty exciting! He asked me to dinner... We both giggled. I said we need to take baby steps and work on us individually and then together. H has already lined up an IC for himself, so that he can work on himself. Says he feels miserable and so sad by his actions, and doesn't know why he did what he did or why he felt that way. Said it kills him inside. Also that he wanted to talk to me so many times, but at first he needed to be certain the feelings were not temporary and then not because of the baby. And until he felt completely confident and willing to work, its going to be a rough tough long journey but says he is dedicated to making it work. I am sitting back on this... Can't lead him to his feelings or make it seem like I am desperate to have him back. Truth is I'm scared, Not in a way that I think it wouldn't work, just that everything will be so new and different. When I think of him kissing me I get nervous...like when we first started dating.
Believe me, H desnt have it easy and I'm not making our M part easy... Being in the babys life yes... I welcome him into it.I told H that he didn't have to think the baby was a reason to fix things. His response was that he knows. He said he is the babys father and can have access to him forever despite our relationship. And that the baby is a bonus not the reason for R.
H said he knows a lot of family and friends may be judgemental and express concern, but he doesn't care. He said he wants a life w/ me and the boy and he will do what it takes.
So... I know MC will help us open up about what happened and help us forgive and move forward. I think its vital to our R and M.
H has always been a tad quiet when it came to his feelings and I told him I am not a dentist... Will not pull teeth to get words out of him. Its now up to him to show me otherwise. I told hime I am a different person now... A little rougher and tougher and have high expectations for anyone in my life. H said he know he can meet hem and that he thinks we can make it.
Baby boy is just a perfect litle angel! Truly god sent!
