Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

I still have more thinking to do to the questions above, but I took a sleeping pill and need to just write out tonight before I forget.

Today was good - went to the Dr., starting a new antidepressant tomorrow, got fresh foods and made a healthy dinner that turned out pretty good. Didn't get to the Y but we walked to my appointment and plan to tour the Y tomorrow.

Tonight I was finishing up dishes ready to go upstairs before H got home but he walked in then. He went to say goodnight to D1. When he came back he said he told her she could call any time she wants. I said during the day or when you are overnight? He said anytime, I think she should always be able to talk to me any time, don't you think? I asked if he was planning on moving out. He said well that is how it looks, don't you think?

I probably should have shut up but I said no, I don't think so. I asked if he was saying he wanted a divorce and he said yes. I explained calmly that I do not, and after thinking long and hard I don't think it will benefit any of the four of us. If he can identify that I alone am the source of his unhappiness I will reconsider, but I explained that he doesn't make me unhappy. I do enjoy spending time with him and the family. He also doesn't make me happy and I said no one else but me can do that. He can enhance my happiness, but I believe only I can make myself happy. I said I don't think that teaching my daughters that when things are tough we just bail is a good lesson.

He said it's been 12 years (the time always changes) not 7 weeks, and I said I understand you say that but prior to 7 weeks ago when did you explain to me that you were unhappy in the relationship? He said never. And I said that is why I feel like it's 7 weeks. I said if I was a horrible parent to the kids and both of them acted fine and happy, why would I change anything? I would assume things are going along fine. I asked if he talked to anyone else about the situation and if they thought anything... he said who do I have to talk to? (On Friday he told me he can't even talk to his mom because she and I are friendly.)

There was also a discussion where I identified some things I did wrong. I said when you stonewalled me and wouldn't talk about things I made the mistake of talking to other people about us. I should not have done that, it was wrong, and I take responsibility for that. Neither of us kept the bond between us to just ourselves and let it be sacred, in our own way we both turned outward. I am examining things that I did wrong and take ownership of them and am going to change them.

There was a little more said but at the end he walked away and said ok, we did a little more talking, now I need to have time alone to think. He said we'll keep doing this talk and think cycle.

I honestly had no intention of talking about anything at all tonight but he brought it up. When I said something about I am just trying to finish up here and head up, he said well I initiated the conversation to you so it's ok, I want to talk.

I know that yet again I went against most of the DB'ing, but I still am focused on working on myself and GAL. I feel like he wants to talk and what I say actually does resonate with him. I also feel like he is trying to test all his arguments on me to see if I will agree and then we can both say ok, yeah, divorce is best, but I do not agree. It's almost like he is testing me or something. He gives me arguments why it won't work because 'it hasn't for so long', 'we don't have anything in common', he doesn't want to be touched/snuggled/held, he likes sleeping alone.

So there it all is. I feel like I can actually sleep easy tonight. I am firm on my belief that none of the 4 of us would benefit from a divorce and I'm focused on being the individual and being the mom (and hopefully wife) that I want to be - for me, not to win him back or anything.