Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

So this is interesting. Since that "good" Friday, I may have continued to be a little too solicitous and the cat may be pulling away again?

On Saturday, I agreed to watch the kids for her so she could go get a massage. I took them shopping for groceries with me, asked my W before she left if she wanted anything for her place too while I was there. She listed some things which I picked up for her and dropped them off with a dozen roses (ugh, I know, boo me). She thanked me for the groceries and for watching the kids but balked a lil about the roses saying "we should save money." I told her they didn't cost that much and that I didn't intend to make her feel uncomfortable. No more roses (for awhile at least...)

Went out with a buddy Saturday afternoon into the wee hours and we had a hellaciously good time (allegedly).

Sunday, saw W for maybe 5 mins at swim lessons for kiddos. She left to get herself water and coffee and said she was all dehydrated cause she didn't have any water at the house. She was acting sort of anxious and agitated in general. She was concerned about a stitch pulling out on her boob and showed it to me and said she had felt all edgy and anxious all day about her healing. I validated her anxiety, said I understood why she would feel that way and said the stitch actually didn't look too bad. Thanked me for joining her at swim lesson and hanging out while she went to get her drinks. She didn't call rest of the day which was a low level of contact for what we've had recently.

Sunday PM, I went out and saw movie with a mixed pack of girl and guy friends that I'm becoming friends with since my sitch started. Arranged to go look at cycling bikes with one of the guys that rides regularly and one of the girls that also is looking to get into it. I've been doing lots of spin classes and next fun step would be to ride with some of these newer friends of mine.

Today she called me first thing in the AM asking me to come over and help her with the kids (they were at her house overnight) cause she was going to be late for work having been up til 1 am working on stuff for work. I come over and take D5 to preK and keep our lil one during AM (her care provider is on vacation). W is agitated and anxious about being late and freaking out about various things. I listen and nod and indicate I am flexible re: time and place we switch off kids around lunchtime if that will help her. She thanks me several times in AM and also at switch off time. She seems happy that I took D2 to park during my time with her.

So, basically, things been more quiet in terms of contact between us last couple of days. She has seemed agitated/anxious last couple of days, but I don't think about me, rather about other stuff in her world. No fights between us, and I've tried to be supportive about her anxieties. Hard to tell if the cat is pulling away from having gone a lil too close for comfort Fri night and/or is just distracted by other fears in her world.

I keep struggling with the balance of being helpful/responsive (180ing my previous neglect/unavailability) vs. being pursuing/solicitous/supplicating. For example, there are still some things I previously agreed to put up for her in her apartment. I put some of them up a few nights ago, then it got too late. Should I volunteer a time that is good for me to fulfill my commitment (responsive/honey-doer/follow-througher vs. pursuit/boy valet?) or wait for her to request it of me again and THEN follow-through?