Again, the words you pick seem to gel things for me.
This VVVVVVV put the Coach quote into perspective and removed a lot of the confusion I was having.
Originally Posted By: Steady
Values - I will control my feelings and not act out accordingly. My feelings change. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm not (at her) When I act out it's only on the feelings I have RIGHT NOW. My values say I will draw a boundary due to her behavior to protect my self respect (my family, whatever it is). I draw the boundary and I enforce it.
Do I want my feelings to control me (which are often at the mercy of others' behavior, in effect, allowing them to control us; or do I want to chose my reaction?) The ultimate goal is to be unflappable - totally emotionally unaffected by someone else's behavior.
