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I don't think men are poor listeners, we are poor responders to who we are communicating with. We respond to a woman like we are dealing with another man. It's like trying to train your cat using all of your dog knowledge.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
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true coach, I do respond to her more like a buddy than a W. thanks for clearing that up. smile

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pinhead Offline OP
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Ok, Ok, I get it. I really do. I just have one last question for all the gurus before I pull the pin on the grenade...

My wife's biggest complaint is that I neglected her, and that I didn't listen. Both completely accurate and valid, regardless of how I felt at the time.

If I let go, use my super-stalker skills to push her out, won't I be reinforcing my previous bad behavior?

I know that I'm letting my fear get in the way of trusting the advice here. It's just that so much is at stake, and I'm almost paralyzed with doubt.

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Quote:
If I let go, use my super-stalker skills to push her out, won't I be reinforcing my previous bad behavior?


How do you feel towards your wife right now?


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
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I feel more in love with her than ever, and a bit sad about the mistakes in the past.

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Originally Posted By: pinhead
I feel more in love with her than ever, and a bit sad about the mistakes in the past.


What else do you feel besides love? Why are you sad about the mistakes?


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
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Sad, or regretful that I was so out of touch with what women want in a relationship; that I was pretty inexperienced and naive about relationships; that I learned so late. I'm glad I've learned these things, I'm a better person.

I'm a bit scared too, that I'll step on a landmine and make things worse.

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I also feel very compassionate towards her. She cried for most of 90 minutes about the pain and hurt she's felt. I'm responsible for most of that, and I think I understand how scared she is.

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Originally Posted By: pinhead
I also feel very compassionate towards her. She cried for most of 90 minutes about the pain and hurt she's felt. I'm responsible for most of that, and I think I understand how scared she is.


Sleep on that before you throw any grenades.

The pain of leaving reached a point where the pain of staying was too great. Do you understand now why you need to let her go and agree with her? You are standing in her way of feeling better. Enough of trying to fight her feelings they are real.


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Sleeping on it.

Not sure what waiting will do, but I trust you. I guess that hitting her with the Gucci speech right now wouldn't be the best timing.

Last edited by pinhead; 08/23/10 09:19 PM.
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