Standing tall for myself--forever & ever, amen.

[beingreal]

Another week, another update.


I'm so freakin' tired of this BS I could just scream.


The kids start school tomorrow, I couldn't be happier about it. I'm exhausted. And broke. And tired of being broke.

I've spent nearly $700 on back-to-school stuff in the past few weeks. H hasn't given me a dime to help. He thinks that my not having to pay to feed & clothe him anymore is more than enough to compensate-- so I've not gotten any money from him since he left.

He has money to drive his brother & all of his loser friends around (since they have all involuntarily forfeited their driver's licenses in the past year). He has money to drive to Michigan and Indiana for a few days to "relax & party", but not enough money to drive up to see his kids. In fact, for the past two weeks he has been not more than a mile from our house & didn't bother to even stop to see them. He found the $1400 he owed the college after he got pi$$ed off & withdrew the day after he moved out last quarter and lost his student loans leaving him with the bill-- and then had enough nerve to tell me that our youngest son was out of diapers at his house.

Ummmm.... seriously? Dude... That one almost started an argument;
H:S3 is out of diapers.
Me:Okay...
H:Are you going to buy any?
Me: I can't afford to stock three houses, H. (mine, my mom's when she has them so I can work & his.)
H:I don't have a job!
Me: You've been gone for almost four months, I'm afraid that isn't my problem.
H: Well, he's almost three anyhow, I don't understand why he isn't potty trained. You should have potty trained him by now!
Me: He has a potty, he doesn't want to use it. But if you think that needs to be done, then have at it.
H: What am I supposed to do about diapers?
Me: Use paper towels & duct tape for all I care. I'm sure you'll figure something out.


I have gotten so many phone calls the past few weeks, his mom had surgery, he needs advice. His dad is sick, he wants me to talk to the doctor & find out what is going on. He needs to give his dad insulin shots & doesn't know what to do. Each and every time I let him know I care, but I don't get involved. He needs to stand on his own.

Here's where I get pissed, be warned...

I'm having surgery in September. H knows, not what--only that I'm having surgery & the date. I've asked that he help out a little more with the kids to help my mom out. Just take S3 a couple of days or something. Take them an extra weekend so it doesn't all fall on her. He can't be bothered. He told me he doesn't give an eff about me or my surgery, and I should just find someone else to watch them. Granted, he called a few days after he left those voicemails & apologized, but he has yet to ask how he can help.

I'm actually having two surgeries... my schedule will look something like this...

Tuesday--surgery, inpatient until Saturday my mom will have all three kids until Friday when they have their weekend with H.
Saturday--I come home have 36 hours until the kids get home.
Sunday through Monday--I have all three kids while I try to recover, my mom comes over after school every night to help with baths, homework and dinner. Pray that I don't have to lift S3 because I won't be able to.

Tuesday (2 weeks after the first surgery)--I go in for an outpatient surgery, come home that night & get the kids back from my mom the next day.

So, two surgeries in 14 days, three kids, & he will have them for 48 hours because he is too busy. Doing nothing.

I know I sound pissed. I am. I don't expect him to give a crap about what's going on with me, I really don't. I haven't offered up any information because I don't want to talk to him about it, it's none of his business & it doesn't involve him. I had just hoped he'd be more of a man when it came to his kids.

Want to hurt me? Fine. But nut up and help out with your kids.

I know, I'm expecting something from him, I shouldn't. Someone throw a 2x4 at me, I'm going to duck & hope it hits him instead.



Have I mentioned how happy I am that school starts tomorrow?