Well - I can tell you why it's confusing! All of us in the throngs would like the magic bullet! Those who are willing to ignore the gut (which is destructive) and go with "what works" sometimes find it hard to determine which course of action is right because all sound good and plausible in context, even when they are contradictory. We want the best shot of saving our marriages so we want to choose the best option, not just a good option. It's dang hard at times in the day to day trenches.
Having said all of that, it is at least better to be in those trenches than in other places, wallowing in self pity and begging and crying with the WS.
