Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[Espr444]

Hey LSG,
Glad you had fun with your kids!! When your down think of them I know it's not easy, but sometimes thinking of my S seems to help. I dont know what's right anymore, but something good will happen for us all soon.!!

[LSG]

Hope147,

Some has to happen good for us. I know I will fight with my last breath for my kids. They are the reason I keep going. I do not even very much worry about food or eating. I am not hungry that much anymore, so I don't feel the pain of being on empty.

I know Hope147 it is difficult for all of us, but I have to believe that as long as we are alive something good will happen.

Have a good Sunday!

[DanF]

Dude. You make me feel bad for feeling bad. You have it so much worse than I ever will I feel guilty for feeling bad for myself. Do whatever you have to do to make it through. You have been and will continue to be so strong for yourself and your kids that you have my deepest admiration.

Hang in there LSG. You will prevail.

[Chuck66]

I'm glad you got to go fishing with the kids. I am so sorry about the food situation. There has to be some kind of support in Cali to help you?

You are doing and admirable job keeping a positive attitude through this. Don't allow anyone/anything to get to you and p!ss you off.

Be the rock for your kids.

Good luck to you.

[LSG]

DanF,

You should not feel that way for me. You are going through some heavy stuff with your sitch, and I have felt so bad for you and everyone else more than me.

I appreciate everything you said in your post.

I have to be one step ahead of her, and it is going to be tough. I will comment more when I journal tonight.

[LSG]

Chuck66,

I appreciate your kind comments. I ate today at the church I go to so much. It felt so good to eat so much. I am not so tired tonight as usual, so it helped, and I ate some things at home when W was gone.

I am keeping positive. W tried to start an argument over S tonight, but I did not take the bait. Kind of like when I went fishing with the kids. All the fish did was nibble, and that is all I did to. I just leave if she wants to fight. I have to ignore it. I don't know if this the right thing to do, but I just cannot do it without becoming too upset. I will not do that at this point.

I am being rock solid at this point!

[LSG]

Journaling (Sunday, August 22, 2010):

Today was a little strange. S woke up early, and then I woke up D about 7:45 am. Had S ready and fed. D was not hungry, and then W comes out about 8:15 am. D and S were watching TV with me. W starts asking if they are hungry and so on. I went and made my bed. Kids started playing with me. W was trying to buy a backpack for them for school. I played with them and watched TV most of the morning. W wanted to take the kids, but they wanted to go and stay. I told them to go and have fun. I went to talk to my dad, and the kids came back inside and decided to stay home. I was so happy and glad. I did not expect that. I hung up with my Dad and spent time with kids. D said W would not buy her something is she did not go. D was upset. I made them some lunch and myself too. D called W and asked her to pick somethings up, and W was super sweet then. W came home with an hour before church.

I took kids to church and asked to have a prayer said for me to find a job. Pastor talked to me about my D and said he will help with gas or whatever they can afford. He also said he will try to help with the job too. I tell everyone that I need help with a job. I have not found anything yet, but I will not give up.

Went to doggie park and then came home and showered the kids. S want to go in the bedroom with W and I said okay. D stayed in the living room with me. I went to take S to bed and W said she would do, but I took him anyways, and she was slapping my hands. She I have been witht the kids all day, and she wants time. I told her "this is not a contest." She muttered something. I said "I do not want to even talk to you." She said I would not have to soon. I guess that is why she was selling some books today. She is readying for a move.

I put D to bed and looked for jobs online today. It is good that she is asleep, so I have some time to get my stuff done tonight.

[LSG]

I am a little worried about my living situation. My W is making all indications that she plans to be out soon. The getting rid of the books and what she said last night.

Also I said, "I did not want to talk to her anymore." She said soon I will not have too when I was putting S to bed. I have had a sick feeling all day about what she said.

The pastor at the church said they will help me to find a job too and with gas or something, but it is a small church, so they cannot help much.

I will take what I can. Time is running out, but I will not be running scared. I need a job ASAP. I have to stop this madness that she has done to me and the kids.

[Serenity13]

LSG~

I just finished reading all 26 pages of this thread since you were so kind to stop by my thread.

Just a few thoughts for you...

I have been in the same place as you, I kept thinking my H would rather have me homeless and starving than give me a dime...

I had to swallow my pride and get on food stamps...That was a very humbling experience for me & one of the lowest places I have ever been.

I lost my house, lost my car...Still living with my parents, still don't have a car, H still doesn't pay me a dime, CS was filed back in November and we haven't even seen a court date yet...

I also made sure my kids were fed before I ate...

You do whatever you have to do in order to take care of your kids. The courts wouldn't hold public assistance against you, especially considering how your wife is behaving.

Now, normally I reserve any "preachy" type conversations to either my blog or one on one, however I am going to step away from that for a moment...

I noticed a common theme in reading these last few pages... "Tomorrow is a new day" or "There is always tomorrow"...

Tomorrow isn't promised, to any of us...Today, this moment is all you have, sieze this moment and think about what you need to do for you and your children.

Since you go to Church you should recognize this - He will never, ever give you more than you can handle, however you need to take a step back, take a deep breathe and refocus.

The blessings are there for you, sometimes though, you have to go and seek them out instead of waiting for them to fall in your lap.

I ask the next two questions with all due respect...

What do you want out of your life?

How long are you going to allow someone else to dictate the course of your life?

Don't answer them here, to me, to anyone else.

These are 2 very important things that can only be answered between you and Him.

I will keep you in my prayers.

(((Hugs)))

[LSG]

Serenity,

Thanks for posting to me. I will not answer the last two questions as you put they are between me and God.

I will say that I cherish every moment of everyday since my sitch began. I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I am a better person and parent than I was ever.

The kids eat first and I always make sure that they are not hungry. Family, friends, and my local church are helping me too. I will do whatever it takes to make it for my kids. They need that.

I have been very fortunate even with what I have experienced, and I will keep praying an look to God to the what I am unable to.

Thank you for your prayers.