To Tell or Not to Tell

[LRT Land]

Well I am an emotional basket case today. I guess reality is sinking in. The tests came back pos for pg but inconclusive re viability, so I had to go back for more tests.

In the meantime, after several talks with H over the last few days (remember I said it takes a few days to get his true reaction) he does not think this is a good idea. He says he can't stop me if I want to proceed, but his mortality is staring him in the face. He keeps bringing up that he'll be well into his 70's when the kid is 20. So now I feel I need to choose between this pg or my M, because I'm pretty sure the M will not survive another pg. I believe the mortality issue pushed H to seek out a lawyer. Other men in his family died in their 60's so, in his typical fashion of latching onto the neg, he's thinking about how many years he has left.

I get that. I do. For me, my biggest fear is some defect/disability that would disrupt the whole family. All of the other neg's he's mentioned are inconveniences, and those I can get over - anyone could get over them.

I'm really praying that God takes the decision out of my hands because I'm not sure I can agree with his decision. At least I don't have to decide today. In fact, I'm going to try and stop thinking about it today because I'm turning into a puddle.