Does not seem to be hard if my head wasn't spinning with all this DB stuff.
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You won't have the ability to "see" her and the situations if you are holding in negative emotions - anger, fear, resentment etc
Anger - not so much anymore. Of course I was angry when she dropped the bomb.
Fear - absolutely, fear of her health, fear of losing her and my family, fear of being rejected while honestly showing compassion and empathy.
Resentment - that's more towards the whole sitch. Why do I want to be with the person who does not want to be with me?
Some dozens of posts back I got yelled at for not being decisive. W was asking me for a commitment date to tell her when I will give her an answer to "leave her and move out" which that day had changed to "what are your plans?" I was told that it was the only true thing she is interested of hearing from me - the decision that I am unable to make.
I was then criticized for not making my own decisions that weekend when she suddenly started leading the activities which we both enjoyed. I was very confused then as I still am. I saw that my promise to talk to her about my decision by a certain date relaxed her to the point that she was able to have a great time with me. I did not see a reason to disagree with whatever she wanted to do. I was told that I was weak.
Another thing happened that weekend was the complete revelation of her health problems. She had kept it inside for many months. I was not as shocked as I would have been if I already did not know. Nevertheless is was disturbing and scary.
I have been preparing myself to let her go and tell her that I will move out if she still wants me to. I have to do that don't I? But considering that I know (she has told me) her health condition and all the uncertainty around it, how will she really look at me if I say that I will leave her? How can there be TRUE compassion and empathy from me? How do you balance between what I THINK she wants to hear, what she REALLY wants to hear and what would be a HONORABLE thing to do.
Am I 180'ing right out the door that she opened?
People here say al lot about WAW's constantly monitoring and testing you. How do I know that I am not under an ultimate test? A test of honor.
1. Am I a man enough to let her go? Wouldn't that honorable thing to do?
2. Am I a man enough not to run yet, stay beside her and help her to get through with her health condition? Wouldn't that honorable thing to do?
3. Am I a man enough to have recognized that R changes are required and taken steps to come out to implement them? Am I capable of becoming a man she fell in love with and lead us both to the right path to be happy together as a family? Wouldn't that honorable thing to do?
There is no way of knowing which answer she is waiting for. Any one of the above would put an end to the status quo. We both agree on that. The R as it stands needs to end.
One's health is nothing to play games with. She could have kept that secret from me forever or at least until I moved out. Now she has told me everything she knows.
Is she really expecting me to pack up and leave now? Could that be the biggest mistake I can make? I have been preparing for the worst and hoping for the best but this sitch has gotten very convoluted.
