Lots of great advice on this thread. And I just had my first in-n-out burger, it was wonderful.
Most of what I read reminded me of "cheese-less tunnels", doing the same things/same type of things, over and over, yet expecting a different outcome. Patterns become patterns for a reason, but they are also what got us here. What is it, 21 days to break a habit, 42 days to build a new one. This is a long road, no quick fixes here, I think.
And you can survive! You will.
Dagny
Me 48, H49, M24, S14, S11 DB #1 4/2002-8/2003 Bomb #2 August 2010 & he moved out Living with OW
Aye. I look at how many things I've changed about myself the last two months: lost about 50lbs; started and kept on a rigorous exercise regimen; started taking my kids to more activities, became more involved in church, started writing again.
I start MC tomorrow, and I have to say I'll be wonderfully surprised if anything good comes out of it. My W seems content to play "roommate" wife, and despite small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, there's really nothing there anymore for either of us. That's sad.
But tomorrow I'll wake up, get dressed, get my girls ready for school, drop them off and head to work. Just another day in the life of Pinhead. No worse than most, and a lot better than some.
I know mt sitch has taken quite a turn, but in reality it is for the best right now. I think the MC is good, but for some reason your W is still in the roommate status, which is limbo for us. i FEEL better being apart from the W right now, do I miss her and the kids yes, but the tension and limbo are gone. If you read Robx thread you will see he finally almost forced her out, she wants out, go then. at some point you ned to figure it out for your sitch.
No matter what happens with my M, things are moving quick, but I am living in the now....
Had a good 2 mile run and workout this morning. Kittens tearing all over the house like they own it. Down to 187lbs, that's a hair over 50lbs, and more diet and exercise than the Devastation Diet. Feeling really good.
Time for breakfast for the kiddos, then off to school with them. Then a bit of work before MC.
Someone here said that keeping expectations low doesn't mean you don't have hope. I have no expectations, just irritation that I've wasted so much time in cheese-less tunnels. I guess that's the LBS script, and it's the rare individual who can leap past the mistakes.
MC in one hour, and I'm almost hesitant to go. I need to stay focused on what I want and need, and not read anything into today's session. Barring real progress today, (which I don't expect) I'll have to start over on 2B. At least mentally I'm prepared for that, as well as how she'll react to me. Just tired of the drama. Tired of not having the love and affection I want and deserve. Tired of being angry all the time.
MC was fine. Nothing unexpected, let W do most of the talking and validated as much as I could. She said she's seen great changes in me the last two months, and is happy about them. But she's scared that we'll go back to how we were before.
She also didn't really own up to any of her contributions to where we are now, and how we got here, but there wasn't that much time to get an even split in talking; and it's not really important right now.
She liked the counselor, and seemed receptive to his idea of her taking a weekend to spend with her friends or family while sorting out her feelings.
The counselor left it in our hands as to whether we wanted to pursue more MC. I'm going to tell her tonight that I'll be going next week, and that she's welcome to come.
men are poor listeners I think we have all been told that in our M and past relationships. MY W would get so pissed at me when she would tell me something and I would have to ask her to repeat it, I am not a multi tasker...
