yup, you enabled his childishness too... And he ALLOWED you to do it... He very likely steered you into that role...
Distressing I know... He needs to grow up... He can't take "the heat" as mwd mentions above... When he feels it he thinks marriage is the problem... He is the one with the problem... He feels the heat and he rruns... to his mother most likely...
That's just it. He felt anxiety and it was due to work. The anxiety caused his blood pressure to jump and he said he felt chest pains. The doctor asked him to take time off work and what did he blame? His marriage. Thats why he said that the longer he said married, he was going to die so in order to save himself, he had to hurt the one he loved.
I'm thinking ... You're still married to me and you're not dead yet. I'm waiting for u to croak. Their family is so obsessed with death. His mom reminds him that he looks exactly like his grandfather .. Oh and he died of a heart attack at 42. My h is 40. Why can't she just shut up about death?
She's ill... you need to research OCD, particularly germ avoiant and safety hypervigilance
it's actually called gad - general anxiety disorder. if you look it up, that's her.
they feel the need to protect people .. always that "better to be safe than sorry" mentality.
i want to go back to the topic of respect that i asked you before.
i don't think my h respects me for playing fair throughout. i let him take the lead on everything during the d-process. and didn't fight him on a lot of things (mainly because it got childish and wasn't worth fighting over). but i feel like i'll never earn respect for not being the vindictive lbs that he has heard a lot of horror stories about.
this is one of those examples where the person is so mad that they hate you for doing what you're doing (ie. exposure). exposure is the right thing to do if it's being done for the sake of your m. but the spouse having the A, there is no respect for you for doing the right thing. it's just hate. and that's why i have a hard time understanding how exposure can lead to respect. even in the best scenario, exposure hurts the other person so much that all they feel for you is hate.
That's the point... This is how parents maintain their children's support... chidlren tell parents they hate them all the time, but they come around.... why?
Becuase a good parent knows how to set and assert boundaries in the home without losing their children's respect...
Look at police offiers who give people speeding tickets.. people don't LIKE getting the ticket, but they don't disrespect hte policeman if they were indeed speeding and just got caught...
They are angry at the time, but the pay the fine and suck it up...
allen, been absent from this forum for a while. this thread gave me much to think about. i give updates on my main thread. but the stuff i learned here, has been stuck in my head for a while now.
i can't be nice to the mil for the sake of saving my m. it's not the right thing to do. it wouldn't help and i would back here quicker than you could say "cleveland". being nice to the mil would be enabling.
if you asked me if i would rather be right or married .. i would say there is no good answer to that. because both would lead me no where.
there is no other way. this m is doa.
i'm so unhappy right now. i don't want to get all whiny or think 'oh poor me'. but what do you do to move on from this? i GAL but a huge part of me wishes d-day would come sooner.
i'm getting really tired of this process. the back and forth between L's. they are dragging their feet on our sep agreement.
