Ever the eternal optimist, I think it's probably a good thing that he admitted to you his feelings, that it effected him. It seems if he was trying to conceal something from you, he wouldn't admit to that. Also, it may just be he is keeping his musings to himself to avoid upsetting you.
I know about those walls. Mine are made of Titanium.
I kinda feel that he isnt telling me stuff so he wont upset me. BUT, I hate not knowing.
Tonight was weird. I came home, fixed supper...H told me he got this job he put in a proposal for. We were both happy about that. Then later he started getting antsy. Again, most of the night he was texting someone. He didnt hide it at all this time. I said nothing. I was just annoyed by it. He later said he was extremely bored. Then layed in the floor and watched tv. After a few, I got up and went to lay in the floor beside him, but first I went in to give him a kiss and he stopped me and said "not right now". Talk about hurt. Yes, My feeling were just that. I just got up and walked away. He told me not to walk away, but I had to. I did come back into the room with him after I calmed down abit, then he asked me what was wrong. I told him he hurt my feelings. He said nothing.
By this point....Ive had it. Now, I then go to bed....after about an hour of laying there, he comes into the bedroom, starts getting dressed. I asked what he was doing, He said he was going riding, maybe even go drink a beer. He said he was so bored he was having anxiety attacks...said that He knew I probably didnt understand that, but he was. He came to me and told me to give him a kiss and he left. I said nothing.
Earlier, he was taking a bath...no, he isnt really the type that showers, he rather take a nice relaxing bath...lol, but I walked in our room and listened to him for a minute....he was tapping his hands to a rhythm on the sides of the tub (there was no music playing) ....so reminded me of a teenager.
I dont get any of this or where its coming from all of a sudden, but here I am on a Friday night...alone again.
I would have gladly gotten a sitter for the night and we could have done something. But he never asks to do anything with me.
Im at the point of going over speeches in my head of why I dont really care if he stays or goes anymore. Not that he has said he wants to leave at all, but this trust thing is big and all I see are red flags right now. Im not quick to give up, but another few weeks of this and I just may.
Last edited by kissak; 08/21/1004:15 AM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
How about this....Just logged in to the alt...OW and BF are back together. Hmmm. Her BF is one of my friends. I saw he is back in a relationship with her. Wonder if that has anything to do with H's mood.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Im not quick to give up, but another few weeks of this and I just may.
Please don't do anything right now, dig down for some more patience. I know it is hard but I think everything is perfectly normal for this stage of the crisis. He has got to get this stuff out and he is revisiting the teenage years which sounds crazy but is a necessary step for him to complete his crisis. I do not think he is revisiting replay and he is telling you in what he said to you what is happening. You are NOT going crazy everything is going to be perfectly fine. You just must continue to have patience.
Thanks LS. It is hard, but Im patient. Things looked better already today.
He did go off Friday night. I was up at 3:30am and texted him because he werent home yet. He told me he had to take some guys home that had been drinking. He said he was sorry for worrying me, but he would be home shortly.
Last night he called me into the bedroom, asked me if I felt like gossiping! lol, thats a first! BUT I said sure I found out why he was texting so much! It werent just one person texting him, it was alot of the exOW friends and people that knew her and her BF....by the way her and her bf didnt get back together...seems that she dumped him one morning and he had NO CLUE nothing was wrong. Supposedly she wanted him to marry her and move away. HE said he werent getting married, so she dumped him and the very next day had a new guy...someone she worked with. Seems she had something going on with him all along.
He is better off without her for sure, but all these people were asking my H what was wrong with her! I asked him why they were asking him, and he said she tells people that my H and her are still good friends and talk all the time about everything!! My H said he never talks to her. He cant stand to even be around her. I know he was telling the truth about it. THis OW is just crazy!! My H sees this now. Im so glad he does.
Seems this is alot of what was going on the last week or so. He is still having issues with some things he is working through. He goes to therapy next week. I was hoping it was today, but its not.
Im feeling better today. I think my H feels better because he can talk about it now. I think he just didnt want to bring it up before.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Just goes to show you why you can not have any expectations. Go back and reread your husbands actions now, knowing what was going on. A little more insight into his MLC mind.
He is still on his journey and I would expect more unusual things before he is done. If it doesn't live up to my expectations, well good for you!
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Im trying my best to act happy...to act "as if", but its hard some days. Yesterday seemed like a good day. Until last night that is....
My H went into the bathroom to take a bath and undwind. I went to open the door, I knocked first...it was locked...I was just gonna put some towels away. I asked if I could come in and he said no...I jokingly said "why, do I aggravate you or something when you are in the bath..." He said "yes". OK< well, I just turned around, walked to my son's room to put some clothes away, evidently my H was still talking to me and I didnt hear him...but I did hear him when H called our son's name...I went back to the bathroom door behind my son...H asked son where I was...son said "she's right here". H GOT TICKED OFF!! He thought I was standing there the whole time, not saying a word to him! Ugh, he came out of the bathroom, ticked...went outside and slammed the door!! I followed and asked what was wrong! He said "Now is not a good time to discuss it!"
So, I went back in the house, got ready for bed...during that time he came back in, crawled in the bed and laid there fuming.
I asked again, why he was sooo mad! He said I pi$$ed him off and ruined his whole evening!! That supposedly I was in son's room and I walked away while he was still talking to me! Then I wouldnt answer him. OK I DIDNT HEAR HIM!! Until he called my son's name.
UGH, after a few minutes, he said he was over it now....ok, then I went back out, he fell asleep. I went to tuck my son in and my son was crying...said he wanted to know why daddy was mad and then he started crying saying he didnt want daddy to leave again. After hearing that, I assured him daddy wasnt mad at him, that he werent leaving. After that, I was so mad and angry at my H, I went into the washroom, where no one could hear me, and cried my eyes out!
I just want to be happy! H is not making me feel that way! I dont feel like I have any emotional support from him....I always feel like I am the one apologizing to him! He got mad at me for no reason and then didnt even say he was sorry for getting mad!
After about an hour, I went to lay down, H woke up and tried to pull me to him...he wanted sex! He was already OVER it! I pulled away and told him I was upset that he scared our son with him going out and slamming the door. I didnt mention our son saying he was afraid daddy was going to leave again...H just rolled over and went to sleep. Said nothing about son.
I feel like he just flips out and doesnt care about anyone but him sometimes.
When I was alone, I found myself asking if this is really what I wanted. I find myself trying to Not ever get mad at him...cuz I dont want him to leave, but I feel like he gets mad at me and doesnt care, because he thinks I would never leave him, no matter how mad he gets!
I find the only thing that kept me home last night and not leaving was my kids. I think If it werent for them, I wouldnt try so hard.
This morning, he seemed fine.
Just needed to vent here
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I hope that in a day or two you can go back and reread this and see that your anger comes from expectations.
Expectations that your H is going to leave. Expectations that he is normal, done with his crisis, your old H. Expectations that he cares about you and son.
I understand that he was angry and that had an effect on you. He will come out of this, but not right now. More patience please!
Walking on eggshells. Been dere, done dat. I think men in MLC is worse than any menopausal woman in the world. I think you just had a 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' moment. I once heard the saying that men were like light switches, and women were like irons, they had to heat up, and they had to cool down.
I found out why he was texting so much! It werent just one person texting him, it was alot of the exOW friends and people that knew her and her BF....by the way her and her bf didnt get back together...seems that she dumped him one morning and he had NO CLUE nothing was wrong. Supposedly she wanted him to marry her and move away. HE said he werent getting married, so she dumped him and the very next day had a new guy...someone she worked with. Seems she had something going on with him all along.