but, is it good to show her my fears and vulnerabilities or is it not very manly. Or do I tell her how I am feeling and then tell her that I have a plan to deal with each of the problems that i have. Just thinking out loud, let me know what you think.
Dburt! Good grief of course you have a right to show her your fears and vulnerabilities! Not only a right, a responsibility. Manly schmanly I hate it when people tell men they shouldn't share their feelings.
You know what happens when you don't share your fears and vulnerabilities? You also end up shutting off your ability to share anything else, either - the warmth, the bonding, the commitment... everything! I've said that to people before and they've thought I was nuts. But it's true - my IC (who's a psychologist) told me so, and I've seen the effects of it again and again in my M.
And, more than that, if you don't share yours with her, she'll stop sharing hers with you. My H didn't share his (and still doesn't to an extent) with me, and all that ended up happening was that I was scared to tell him anything, thinking he was 'perfect' and he'd leave me if he really saw how many fears I really had.
So good grief. Share away. Granted, don't do a 'dump'. Venting never helps because it can come across as blaming (even if you don't intend it that way). I'm sure that not what you're aiming for.
I like your statement to just "tell her how I am feeling and then tell her that I have a plan to deal with each of the problems that i have." But be sure to be willing to listen and feel any support or suggestions she might have too. Not only will it likely give you a bit of a boost, relieve some of your worries; it will make her feel involved in your life, and that you value her insights and presence.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
