D8 is having her issues, but we're having a good day overall. Swimming once. Then a long time to decide where to eat. Cracker Barrell followed by 30 minutes of saying, "no. I'm not buying anything. I'm looking for Christmas."
Now they are slowly getting ready to swim again.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Heaven is waking up with D11's arm across my chest and D8's sleeping clinging to my arm.
Damn 41-year-old bladder made me wriggle out and use the bathroom. Now I'm just watching them sleep.
I've been trying to think about how they'll remember this summer. I want them to remember the fun things we did together and the time spent. I don't want them thinking about how sad I was at times.
I've used the boards to pour out the sadness. I think I'm better in real life than I present on the boards.
A lot of my problem is competitiveness. I feel sometimes like "I've lost" and "she's winning."
Stuff like that. I definitely have the LBS syndrome of believing she has this great life without me. The South Dakota trip really brought that back. I just want her to suffer right now.
I felt anger toward STBXW yesterday. Anger that she rejected me and anger that she isn't the person I thought she was. I keep trying to look at her objectively, look at the choices she's making and whether that's what I would want. My head tells me no. If I had never met her and she popped up on "match" now I would look at her profile and move on. But it's 13 years of trying to make it work that keeps tugging at my heart.
What else was running through my mind yesterday. Money troubles. Money troubles. I'm going to be working a lot over the next eight weeks and that should catch me up and get me going for Christmas.
Also, how to deal with STBXW and her family from now on. Right now, there's no way I want to spend any time with STBXW at school functions, theater stuff or Christmas. She may play the kid card, but I'm going to try to figure out ways to not see her. I haven't actually seen her since the day before the trip.
I really would like to never see her again. I know the coparenting class said we should speak twice a week on the phone about the girls. I'm hoping to get there some day. I'm not there yet. The great thing about the school situation is that I will see them every day and I won't need to be "filled in" on what's going on in their lives.
The one good thing about this divorce is that STBXW didn't get what she wanted on custody. I think she had friends telling her I'd only get a dinner visit during the week and just every other Friday and Saturday.
She said in mediation that the after-school situation was a good "transition." Well, I held my ground on keeping all of the time I was already getting and if I couldn't do the after-school visits then I'd get a second night on my off weeks.
Right now, financially, this works out best. In the winter, I'm usually working basketball games Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. So an extra night with the girls would cost me.
Hopefully, in a couple of years I won't NEED to work so much. We'll see. I have a difficult road ahead with the finances.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I know this may sound stupid...but with the money just stop doing so much that costs money. Many have said before that you need to slow down with the girls. During the winter and fall find things to do that don't cost money or are cheaper. Now once you rent the house that will help a lot. If there are trees, spend the day jumping in piles of leaves, carve pumpkins (or decorate pumpkins) then make roasted pumpkin seeds and maybe try to make pumpkin cookies (which are great), go to the library. Instead of going to the theater to see the newest movie, rent a classic or a newer one from the video store or better yet, redbox ($1), then make popcorn yourself and buy a few other fun treats you would eat at the movie. A movie night at home would probably be half the cost of going to the theater. Go sledding, make a snowman, get in touch with your feminine side and maybe try to help the girls decorate different items like a purse (can find some at Goodwill then dress it up).
There really is so much you can do with your girls that won't cost any money or very little to help you save money. You are a great dad and you don't have to do "big" things all the time. I know my best memories of childhood were not the trips to Disney or going other places. It was the things we did everyday. The new traditions that were made. The inside jokes that happened.
Just a thought.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
A lot of my problem is competitiveness. I feel sometimes like "I've lost" and "she's winning."
Oh man...another 'item' that seems to come from a jello mold here. I have/had the same thoughts.
Win what?
A divorce?
A broken family?
Torn apart grandparents?
Nah CTH. No winners here. Time will get you past this. Stay with the 'kids having a wonderful summer' thinking and thoughts. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I know this may sound stupid...but with the money just stop doing so much that costs money. Many have said before that you need to slow down with the girls. During the winter and fall find things to do that don't cost money or are cheaper.
Play Scrabble with them...mine love it. It's probably more about playing with Dad (and kicking his ass) more then the game itself!
Hopefully, in a couple of years I won't NEED to work so much. We'll see. I have a difficult road ahead with the finances.
It's so upsetting to me to see how so many of us are left holding the bag when it comes to the finances while we were usually the ones that were more money smart.
Like you said CTH things will smooth out over time, this is temporary. Hang in there.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
