Grit ... you're right I made it sound like I said that to him over and over again, but I did not ... I was blurring the convo and my thoughts. I'm not sitting on some moral high-horse here. Do I believe that cheating is a "worse" marital sin? Yes, actually I do. And it has a lot to do with our pasts, and intimate information that only someone very close to me was privy to. Yes it hurt, he triggered my largest insecurities of all. And yes, I know those are my issues. I'm working on them.

There is no "more right" ... we both have our perceptions of right. He did try, in his way ... and it did not include letting me know he was so low that leaving was ever an option or any form of couples counselling. I can't go back and read his mind. And I'm done beating myself up about not seeing the signs. I too, did the best I could with the tools I had at the time.

And no ... H doesn't understand clearly at all. He says outright that he has not cheated ... he told me he was done before he hooked up with her and says that it's not cheating as a result of that, and it doesn't matter that we were still married, still engaging in marital relations, etc.

Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc