Just kind of journallying - Im really sad lately. H being nice has me feeling weak, as I miss him more than ever now. In my own private way I kind of "broke" last night - just in that I didn't run to my back room as soon as I got home. H was here with FIL and I was missing H too much. So I sat with them in the living room and chatted for a few minutes.
It doesn't help. I just felt like FIL and H were looking at each other and talking, ignoring me. I felt pain in my stomach. I was yearning to be a part of H's life again but felt invisible. I suppose dim is best = for me.
This is so hard. I miss him terribly,and now that the meanness has disappeared, I miss him even more. Then I remember how he has a GF and all the negative things he said to me.
Why am I having such a hard time letting my M go? Why am I haunted by positive memories all the time? Why does this rejection sting to the bone?
