Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

And for the next 3 weeks you both need to just be nice to each other. You don't know which way this is going to go. There is no need to tell your son anything because you are both confused. Confused people don't need to be telling a child that his life is changing dramatically.

Yeah - problem is we are seperated. She's living with her Aunt, moved out Saturday. Son is already confused asking where mommy is sleeping. I'm pretty sure we have to tell him. She is not coming back home, she's made that very clear.

She's not even sure she wants to work on the M right now after all this.

[john28]

I dropped S4 off this morning with her at her aunt's house. When I showed up she gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. We walked outside and talked, I told her I was going to make a MC appt and she said she would go, but she isn't sure that she wants to work on this M. She did say, "I'm willing to work with you on this." She's not sure if she wants to try for this M anymore after all that has happened in the past few days.

She wasn't wearing her ring. I didn't say anything, but it hurt.

[Coach]

She's not sure if she wants to try for this M anymore after all that has happened in the past few days.

She checked out on you a long time ago.

She wasn't wearing her ring. I didn't say anything, but it hurt.

What about the numerous affairs, her showing off on-line, the abortion against your will, running off with your son and lack of transparency? This is what hurts you?

[john28]

She wasn't wearing her ring. I didn't say anything, but it hurt.

What about the numerous affairs, her showing off on-line, the abortion against your will, running off with your son and lack of transparency? This is what hurts you?

I guess it was just kind of the nail in the M coffin so to speak. It's like we're moving into a different phase, and is scary of the unknown in some regards.

[john28]

She just called me at work, which she had no reason to, and she never does. I picked up the phone (probably should have let it go to VM if it was important) thinking it was important. Said hello, she said hello, and asked me how I was doing today. I told her fine, we chatted about S4 only for a while, I told her to go fill her car up with gas. Told her I had a IC session today.

She said she was thinking about me, and wanted to make sure I was ok (projecting right?). I said I was doing fine, having a good day at work. She told me to have a good rest of the day.

Next time I think I have to let it go to VM. If it is that important she can leave a VM or send a txt.

[eeyore_no_more]

With the exception of discussions about S4, you need to be unavailable to her.

She is looking for validation that she made the right decision by leaving, and you played right into it by taking her call. We talked about getting "tagged" if she came over the other night; this is the same thing.

"Let me check and make sure John is still waiting around for me. Yep, sure is. He took my call, then told me to put gas in my car. He even stayed on the phone until I was done with him. He's okay, and clearly still stuck on me, so I can leave him for a while and come back when I'm ready. I'm sure he'll still be here..."

Let her wonder about you, and let her feel the consequences of leaving.

[TimeHeals]

Let her wonder about you, and let her feel the consequences of leaving.

The problem I have... with this ...

Is not that it is bad advice for where John's head needs to be. It's that it is not where his head is at.

All the well-meaning advice in the world doesn't really work when it's cherry-picked through the confirmation biased lense of somebody who desperately has not deatched.

To you John:

We know how hard this is as we have all lived it, but there is a difference between having hope and holding on. You can let go without closing the door to future reconcillation, but by holding on you only get closer and closer to a time when you, yourself, will want to close that door and lock it for good.

[john28]

Let her wonder about you, and let her feel the consequences of leaving.

The problem I have... with this ...

Is not that it is bad advice for where John's head needs to be. It's that it is not where his head is at.

All the well-meaning advice in the world doesn't really work when it's cherry-picked through the confirmation biased lense of somebody who desperately has not deatched.

To you John:

We know how hard this is as we have all lived it, but there is a difference between having hope and holding on. You can let go without closing the door to future reconcillation, but by holding on you only get closer and closer to a time when you, yourself, will want to close that door and lock it for good.

Letting go is hard, yes. It's the toughest thing I've ever had to do in my life. To let the love of my life go on without me, and for me to go on without her. I want more than anything to let go - to be rid of this pain in my heart... and I know that is the only way I can rid it.

Thanks for the reality check, TH. I keep getting those over here time and time again from you guys and I'm just too weak at times to follow my own advice and yours. I know i must be strong, if not for myself, my son. He wants a dad to be stronng, not weak.

[john28]

So, how to display strength and loving...

I had to pickup a prescription today at the store, I texted her that she needed to call hers in because I was going by there already and I would give it to her tonight. It's a fine line - to help my WAW with her health.. but I don't want her to suffer. She needs these meds for her depression.

She texts back that she will. I get to the pharmacy about 4 hours later and she hasn't called it in. So, I tell the pharmacist to fill it anyways.

I texted her "Don't worry about calling it in, I already took care of it"

No response.

She texts me now saying, "I called it in right when you asked me to." I said "ok". She responded back with "I just want you to know that I wasn't ignoring you."


Now that I look back on it, I think I made another mistake by being getting her script and being Mr. Nice Guy again. Boy, do I have to cut this sh*t out. I do it subconciously. My mind was screwed up at the time saying, "Even though you can't be with her, you should take care of her health"

It just goes to prove that I've bought into this silly crap she's playing me for as "I'm the victim".

Now that I think even more as I write this, that's just another way of me taking care of her emotional state. I've seriously got to start catching myself on these things.

But hey, at least I can recognize when I do this backsliding now. I just have to think before I act now.

[Greek]

Now that I look back on it, I think I made another mistake by being getting her script and being Mr. Nice Guy again. Boy, do I have to cut this sh*t out.

Ya think???

Greek