tired of this

[A_goodman]

Pin, thanks for the prayer. It's soon to be memorized. You'd think as a catholic I'd have thought of reciting the standards from memory. I'm still confused.

MM78, good advice. I know because it mirrors puppy's. I am trying to work out some kind of strategy. Being available and strong are definately the n
main features.

I read my last post over. It was more coherent than I thought at the time. One typo changed the whole tenor though. I meant to say I'd found my "tears" again. Not "fears" although that fits too.

Tomorrow will be strange. I think I'm going to modify my approach. I plan on calling at least once a day and will open the email gates a little. I'll start forwarding funny things to her. Used to do it a lot but stopped when I went dark. I will also answer all communications in real time. I will not totally un-detach all the way. No pointless calls. No hanging on. No pursuit or appeals yo her emotions in any way. But she's down and scared and 1) any humor can't hurt. 2) I want her to stop worrying about whether I'll be there for her during this.

I don't know whether this is the best thing for M or if it will actually help put her mind at rest or not. I fully expect to wear out my spew raincoat. I know that all my strides in self respect and confidence will be tested mightily, but that the improvement in those fields was real and tangible. Those will be my weapons in this. Whatever stores of strength I've stocked up will be all that I have.

I will not initiate any R talk, but will be totally open and available if she does. I will not be weepy. It will not help either of us. She needs me to be the rock. But I fully expect her to rail against it and try to break me down. It is her way. She will try to controll her emotions by projecting them onto me and then attacking them.

I have found my prayer voice. I pray that she let's me in to perform this one act of love for her even if it destroys us both. I pray for strength and most of all wisdom. I pray for aid in formulating a plan of action and for guidance so I don't screw it up.

I pray that God will please protect my Boys. That he will help me see his will and accept it.

And I pray that he watches over you, my friends.

Cheers.