Look, she doesn't understand what love is. She thinks it is a feeling. The feeling came and the feeling went. But it's not that simple. When she tried to leave she felt the ripping of the emotional bond that is marriage. The ripping hurt, and it's hurting your son. She didn't know that would happen. Remember, she thought that all that held you together was this feeling of love that got lost in the day to day difficulties of life. So she wants to go find it again. but no matter how many times you find that feeling, it never lasts. it is a feeling, and it is fleeting.
She is young and has a lot to learn in life. That is something that Retrouvaille does very well. They help you to see that love is a choice, a choice that you make every day. And because you make the choice to love, you do loving actions. Just as she takes care of her son everyday out of love. That is not the swept away love feeling we see in books and movies. But that is the kind of love that lasts.
She is torn. I agree with Pup and Greek that she needs to feel this pain and she needs to realize that divorce means she gets a job and sees her son 1/2 the time. That is true and necessary. But don't forget that your goal is to save the marriage.
If you are going to do that, then you need to get her to agree to go to Retrouvaille in just 3 weeks with an open mind and a willing heart. That's it. Just get her to agree to go and be open to hearing, really hearing what they say.
And for the next 3 weeks you both need to just be nice to each other. You don't know which way this is going to go. There is no need to tell your son anything because you are both confused. Confused people don't need to be telling a child that his life is changing dramatically. Just live together being nice, saying please and thank you, eating meals together and taking out the trash, and playing with your son, and all the little things that make up the days.
There is plenty of time to think about the future after you go to Retrouvaille.
