I have to say I think you have a good shot also. But I can see why you are having doubts.
you and forrest seem to think this. maybe it's because you've been there before and i haven't. i'm living it now. and what i am experiencing (the no contact) seems to be telling me otherwise. i read somewhere that the longer you are separated with no contact, he will get used to you not being there instead of missing you. so basically, the longer i am separated from my h, he is getting used to life without me. he doesn't miss me. so .. why would he want to reconcile?
it is when i read that piece of information, that it triggered this snowball in me. to start thinking that maybe there was somebody else. that he no longer thinks of me. that he's thinking of somebody else .. and it just takes over.
i am not seeing the 'openings' or the 'good shot'. my h doesn't even care to contact me at all. all i see is me being shut out. and when this happens, all i can say is i don't know what i did to cause him to be so angry at me that we need to severe our friendship. if i had some communication, i can either gauge my progress or maybe i'll see an 'opening'. but i see nothing.
i feel like an idiot for trying to save something that i see is impossible to save. that's where my head is at. i feel stupid. very stupid.
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but honestly, he has you going over and over your sitch and rehashing all the old stuff from MONTHS ago, and it isn't going to be helpful.
yeah. i can see this .. i learned some new things. but even his advice, i can't get myself to stomach. be nice to his mother? i rather eat roadkill.
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Do you want to be right? or do you want your H...
i don't really know how to answer that question. i would like my h back but at what cost. it depends.
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I just think it's best you stay here--or lurk in peicing now. You want to keep your hopes up and keep positive--I think you can do this!!
i am trying to stay positive but it is really really hard at the moment. the folks over at infidelity haven't given me a real reason to be completely negative. but i agree, the rehashing of the past isn't helpful.
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Dumped.. do you want to prove he has another?
Yes or No.
i don't want to prove. i just want to know. i don't want to have my head buried in the sand. you know that it's my dealbreaker.
it's my nature to constantly be alert for anything that could change my game plan.
if there is someone else, then we move to plan b now. otherwise, we keep going. but constantly monitor to see if we need to move to plan b. i don't want to be caught off guard.
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What do you want?
i want to know why you think there are openings because i simply don't see them. i see the door firmly shut. and i wonder whether i'm going to 'lose'. i feel like i'm losing the battle.
the longer we are separated with no contact, the less he will miss me. the door isn't going to open for me. with no contact, there is no seeing what i'm doing.
and this has me in a downward spiral. the infidelity thing doesn't bother me as much as that. in most sitches, reconciliation happened after a few months of separation. my separation is starting to become longer than most. there is no contact because we have no kids. there is no reason to stay together. where are the openings?
allen_a in infidelity helped me understand when and why one would stray. i wasn't there to find out if my h was seeing someone. i went to make sure i didn't have my head buried in the sand. you hear others say that 99% of the sitches involve an EA/PA. if you say that your WAS isn't, then you must have your head buried in the sand. so i went to see if i had my head buried in the sand.
allen_a started asking me a bunch of questions about my h and his family history. and that re-opened the history books. he didn't fill my head with thoughts of 'oh he must be seeing someone'. he had me looking at things from a different perspective but i don't belong in that forum right now.
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Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
trying. not succeeding. one step forward. two steps back.
i did something different. i drove home. cheered my friends on at the tournament. being home felt good. i understand why you need to move away from your h when you separate. i dropped the rope for the weekend. i'm still barely hanging on.
