Not really Allen. Being mysterious helps shake up the fog the WAS is in and will make W growl that some other chick is "invading" her territory. I doubt W will ask CD directly about the stuff. Even if she does, CD can respond in a matter-of-fact tone: "was doing a clean up project" and leave it at that. Whose fault is it to be assuming the "female company" has been over at the house? Not CD.
It could go either way... This isn't an exact science... If his wife is feeling guilty at all this may justify the affair and give her full license to act without regret... She may feel violated and "growl", but she may go the other way... its a 50-50 shot at best... Many wayward spouses accuse their LBS of cheating presumably in order to validate thier choices... why FEED that reasoning?
And I have yet to see a wayward return home after accusing their spouse of cheating...
It's a high risk gamble...
Leaving nail polish in the bathroom isn't being mysterious, its hinting... That's not the same thing...
I believe women can detect when evidence is "planted" for them to discover. It's just like when the H is talking and hints about a date or some woman being interested in him. It's so darn obvious! His W knows him so well and the LBH will end up looking foolish.
I say stay away from this sort of stuff. If he is dating, the W will find out...no worries. Otherwise, be mysterious about what LBS is doing when he's GAL.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree. The motive is wrong CD. I always find when I try to do something to get a certain reaction it ends up backfiring on me. That's just my experience of life, but I can't hold anyone else to it.
My W is manipulating things and lying/fabricating to get what she wants and I hate it. In good conscience I couldn't do it myself. It just makes me go back to the beginning and all the stuff I tried to do but they all had the opposite effect. (think pleading, gifts, etc...lol)
Anyway, that's my thing. It's a bit of an experiment for me too - keep my attempts at control out of it, control me/my life, then see what happens.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Be kind of funny if she brings it up next week when she's with W.
"Out of the mouth of babes"--seriously, young children like your D are unwitting partners to the LBS in DBing! All the better for D to innocently mention this nice lady to W!!!
Geez, ssshhhhhh ... yer totally gonna ruin my rep !
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
OK. I am not going to fake anything. It's insincere and manipulative.
I am making the house feel "mine". It should. I live here.
I am going to talk to the lawyer Monday to get my financial protection options nailed "without" a Sep Agreement.
If I have to pursue the Agreement and LEAD, then so be it.
I know many say the LBS shouldn't pursue the D but if I don't do something it won't happen. Then I'll spend the rest of my life like this with nothing in writing and legally enforceable.
I am also going to lead the dropping of the truck.
Regardless, if she comes around or not, I need to know where I stand for the beginning of my next life. I've decided that the truck is going away in either event. My name is on it and I don't want the cost. No benefit to me now. Too expensive for "us" 'then'.
I am going to continue to read and learn. I will re-focus on getting my personal habits in line with who I really am; who I was before and who I want to be in the future.
I will continue to stand up for me. I will not accept CB. However, I will also throw in the occasional WOA where applicable. She will always be my daughters mom and I did love her (albeit maybe too much using the wrong definition of love compounded by my own "tendencies" and misconceptions). However, going forward I cannot love her as I did.
I believe that it is really gelling in my brain that this really is all about me. And that is my focus now.
Wonka- duvet is on (D likes it) and the cars are in the kitchen.
Been thinning the wardrobe to make way for the new.
Just need some artwork and rearrange the kitchen.
Job 1 is the kegal. Job two is my actual job. I've been severely distracted and if I'm gonna look after D and I to the level I expect of myself, I gotta get that ball rolling again.
Thanks again, everyone for all your support and input. I wouldn't be "here" without you. Still be on the ledge. Or worse.
!
