Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

OK, she's gone.

She came here a complete mess. Hugged son and then went to his room to play, I saw her crying in front of him and he was asking, "What's wrong mommy? Why are you crying?"

I yanked her out of that room and pulled her behind a closed door and told her she needed to get her sh*t together, and stop this. Her son needed her, and I won't take her doing that in front of him when I was being loving a nice by letting her come over. I told her that she could cry all she wanted after he went to bed, but she needed to get it together NOW. She bucked up and went back in there the best she could.

After he went to bed she was obviously devastated. She was weeping terribly and well, I held her being Mr. Melty Man of course because I'm not 100% detached just like Coach called it.

I should have told her just to get out then. But I went in the living room to sit down and calm down and she came in there and we sat together for a while. I could feel the hurt and pain in everyone.

She kept on with the "I want this to work, but I just can't do it right now, I can't live with you right now. I love you but I can't do this right now" stuff. I just validated, said I felt the same.

Gave her the library books that she left behind, said goodnight and (damnit) ILY.

She was deathly afraid of the "mean guy" i was earlier today. She didn't like him one bit. She told me tonight that when I hurt her by acting like that she's never felt anything close to that pain before in her life. I felt like saying, HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU RIPPED OUR KID OUT OF HIS HOME, but I didn't. I don't know if that is the right approach to take right now if I truly want to DB. I think you guys are telling me that's the way I SHOULD feel because of her yanking my kid outa my house. I do feel that way because of that.

But stupidly, there is that part of me that has hope for a successful M, and I'm acting out of that mindset rather than the one that feels right.

I don't know.

There is no guarantee that she will come back into this M. Therefore, if I do not detach fully 100% i know that I am setting myself up to possibly be pained again with her same crap behavior.