Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My prediction is she'll try to 'tag' you tonight. Brace yourself -

I agree.

[john28]

Thanks for the words Greek - I'll agree that deep down she's doing all this "good" stuff to keep me from pursuing this with a L. She's deathly afraid I will do that. She's asked me many times I've already L'd up.

But as far as my son, he's been crying non-stop since he got here for his mother. He's broke down on the phone with her (because he asked to call her) and it breaks my heart to see him like this. He doesn't know why his mommy is home - and we still need to tell him. We plan to do it tomorrow.

I'm not letting her come for me, I just can't see my son's world rocked like this right now so soon - especially after what happened yesterday here.

My prediction is she'll try to 'tag' you tonight. Brace yourself -

I agree.

I agree too. She'll probably do so knowing her. I'd be strong enough not to engage, but meh - please explain to me what it could hurt if it happened? Especially if I could remain detached? I'm not saying I will, I just want to know why not for my own information.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

a), you COULDN'T remain detached (you're not even able to do so now, without the sex);

b) she'd view it as you approving of her behavior, and "Making everything okay";

c) there could be serious legal consequences (you need to ask your lawyer about this. In some jurisdictions, consensual sex between the spouses after infidelity "forgives," legally, all of the past infidelity, therefore negating your ability to use it as grounds in any legal action.

d) Until your have has a full-panel STD test, and shows YOU the results (and repeats it six months later), you are putting your own health at serious risk if you have unprotected sex with her.

Need more reasons??

Puppy

[Greek]

but meh - please explain to me what it could hurt if it happened? Especially if I could remain detached? I'm not saying I will, I just want to know why not for my own information.

You would do that to your wife?

Greek

[pinhead]

but meh - please explain to me what it could hurt if it happened? Especially if I could remain detached? I'm not saying I will, I just want to know why not for my own information.

You would do that to your wife?

Greek

Remember that you should do the Right Thing...

[Coach]

Thanks for the words Greek - I'll agree that deep down she's doing all this "good" stuff to keep me from pursuing this with a L. She's deathly afraid I will do that. She's asked me many times I've already L'd up.

But as far as my son, he's been crying non-stop since he got here for his mother. He's broke down on the phone with her (because he asked to call her) and it breaks my heart to see him like this. He doesn't know why his mommy is home - and we still need to tell him. We plan to do it tomorrow.

I'm not letting her come for me, I just can't see my son's world rocked like this right now so soon - especially after what happened yesterday here.

My prediction is she'll try to 'tag' you tonight. Brace yourself -

I agree.

I agree too. She'll probably do so knowing her. I'd be strong enough not to engage, but meh - please explain to me what it could hurt if it happened? Especially if I could remain detached? I'm not saying I will, I just want to know why not for my own information.

Because you are no where near detached.

Where is your outrage at her behavior? Why do you not see how she is playing you for a fool? Why do you avoid answering the tough questions?

Stop feeling and start thinking, it's very girly and unattractive to your wife. You don't listen to good advice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMTrthePKU0&NR=1

[Steve McQueen]

but meh - please explain to me what it could hurt if it happened?

duh. because the other boundary needs to be broken first.

and that would be an automatic OK to move back in the house. trying saying NO after she says YES.
you can't even get her to show you her call log history.



and one other thing, the fact your son is begging and screaming for his momma and the best you can do is have her come over to calm him down shows that she is the primary care giver; and despite the he-man and duck dodgers in the 21st century making his wife pay child support BS, you really shouldn't mess with the natural course of things for your son's sake.

[john28]

OK, she's gone.

She came here a complete mess. Hugged son and then went to his room to play, I saw her crying in front of him and he was asking, "What's wrong mommy? Why are you crying?"

I yanked her out of that room and pulled her behind a closed door and told her she needed to get her sh*t together, and stop this. Her son needed her, and I won't take her doing that in front of him when I was being loving a nice by letting her come over. I told her that she could cry all she wanted after he went to bed, but she needed to get it together NOW. She bucked up and went back in there the best she could.

After he went to bed she was obviously devastated. She was weeping terribly and well, I held her being Mr. Melty Man of course because I'm not 100% detached just like Coach called it.

I should have told her just to get out then. But I went in the living room to sit down and calm down and she came in there and we sat together for a while. I could feel the hurt and pain in everyone.

She kept on with the "I want this to work, but I just can't do it right now, I can't live with you right now. I love you but I can't do this right now" stuff. I just validated, said I felt the same.

Gave her the library books that she left behind, said goodnight and (damnit) ILY.

She was deathly afraid of the "mean guy" i was earlier today. She didn't like him one bit. She told me tonight that when I hurt her by acting like that she's never felt anything close to that pain before in her life. I felt like saying, HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU RIPPED OUR KID OUT OF HIS HOME, but I didn't. I don't know if that is the right approach to take right now if I truly want to DB. I think you guys are telling me that's the way I SHOULD feel because of her yanking my kid outa my house. I do feel that way because of that.

But stupidly, there is that part of me that has hope for a successful M, and I'm acting out of that mindset rather than the one that feels right.

I don't know.

There is no guarantee that she will come back into this M. Therefore, if I do not detach fully 100% i know that I am setting myself up to possibly be pained again with her same crap behavior.

[pinhead]

John,

After my wife got my bomb, and then agreed to MC, she told me the next day how scared she was. Of me. That I would "turn" on her, kick her out. That I would be mean...

Both our wives are trying to avoid reality; the more we give them what they want, the more their reality is fubar. They want it on their terms, with no pain.

Be careful...

[john28]

[quote=john28]



and one other thing, the fact your son is begging and screaming for his momma and the best you can do is have her come over to calm him down shows that she is the primary care giver; and despite the he-man and duck dodgers in the 21st century making his wife pay child support BS, you really shouldn't mess with the natural course of things for your son's sake.

She didn't come over to calm him down, I could have certainly done that myself. I never portrayed to her that I wanted her to come over because he was upset. I asked her if she would like to come over because I was melty man and thouht about her emotional welfare and my sons. Probably a mistake, but I didn't do it out of fear that I couldn't handle it. I can.

It will not happen again. I see your point completely. My son needs me to bond with him and let him know that things are going to be fine. Especially if he's going to be with me 50% of the time.