Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

Greek - I'm not sure how he would ever view me as someone to get him through those times. He always says I will never know because I'm not there (and not in the medical field). His specialty is trauma so there are many of those difficult moments in his daily life. He told me OW was the one that got him through like a life raft and I know he also uses alcohol and tobacco at home (great skills he learned from his father). I don't think any of those are effective and I am going out on a limb and guessing but I think he needs to find what it is that can diffuse his stress - working out, golf, going out for a night with a group of friends.... I don't know, that is something he has to figure out for himself, with our without me, given his career choice.

Steady - yes the Y is for me. I have been trying to get my act together on this since I had kids. Pre-kids I lost 35lbs working out at the gym and I never found a way to fit it into the my 'mommy lifestyle' but I am definitely feeling like it's now or never. If I haven't done it so far, the chances of managing if I'm a single parent are slim.

I'm still pondering exactly where I went wrong in this. (NOT that I'm fault-free, just still thinking.) One thing I need to change is not involving so many other people. When I would go to him to talk about the R and he stonewalled me, I would talk to friends or family. That has not helped, only further eroded the sacred bond between us. I need to keep things that are between us, between us.

We lost the connection when he graduated college and I had one semester left there and then I moved back to my home state (1/2 hr away) and he went to med school. We just stopped seeing each other. I had my own apartment and job and kept myself busy making new friends because he was so busy and I only saw him usually a few hours on Saturdays. I'm not kidding myself, I know there must be more, but I'm still working on that...

And for a few questions. I am still cooking for the family, doing all the laundry, ironing his clothes, etc. That doesn't bother me at all. He mentioned doing his own a few weeks ago and I said no, we are still married and that (to me) falls under one of my tasks to do. When his parents detached (they are still married living parallel lives) his dad started doing his own laundry to prove and point and be independent. I told H that I didn't see the point of us following their lead because I'm still the wife and we all still live here. One of his biggest fears is us turning into his parents marriage. My friends are giving me grief that he is cake-eating since I still do everything around here and I need to let him take care of himself so he can 'appreciate me'. Thoughts on this?

One more tough one.... at our last talk when he told me he ended contact with the OW he gave me his yahoo password and I think the FB one too, but not one other one he has (neither of us brought it up). I'm not sure if he is still contacting her there or even set up another account I don't know about - or uses his work email. He has not texted or called though, and when he took a nap today he left the cell phone downstairs - this is a FIRST. I used to tell him he sat on it like a chicken hatching an egg, it even went into the shower. So he is being honest with what he said about not texting/calling. At the last conversation he also asked for space and to not talk about anything other than being cordial in front of the kids. He has said a few times that I 'never listen' to him. So my question is do I 'listen' and give him space or do I ask him about the other email address which will only tick him off? I'm leaning toward not asking. If they don't text all day the friendship will definitely die off and if I ask and make him mad, he can just create a new email account I don't know about. At some point I will have to have trust in him again.