You did fine in my book. Now that you know what to expect from your H...you will need to stand firm on those boundaries. Remember, the boundaries are not to punish him - they are to protect you and the kids.
Your doing fine.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Remember, the boundaries are not to punish him - they are to protect you and the kids.
Your doing fine.
Thanks E ... it's hard, I know you know this.
And yep, need to make sure that "punishment" is not on my motivation list ... that's why I'm slowing down and getting through this week, really considering what Mach posted and getting ready for whatever comes next ...
T
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
You asked about schedules and what has worked for others. The schedule H and I have is consistent, but not set in stone. If he were to ask to see D's a different day (or days, in my case he comes one day a week), I would probably be ok with it, depending on any plans D's and I had going.
For my D18, it's really a moot point. Yes, she lives here and is planning to for awhile (close enough to college that she commutes), but at 18 as far as I'm concerned, if she has plans..., he'll just have to see her when he does and or make arrangements with her.
I know my D's are alot older than your kids and it does make a difference. I will tell you when H first moved out, I would have D's plan around his visits. Over time, they just went about making plans and living their own lives. Now, if they have plans for the day he comes, I just have them let him know. Usually one of them is around.
I'm not real big on setting things in stone as a general rule, BUT my sitch is different and no OW has been brought around my D's or my home (technically our's still btw).
For what it's worth, W and I switch our care of D on Friday's after day care. She drops her in the morning and I pick her up at days end to start my week.
One full week each
I changed it from Sundays for a few reasons- 1) It doesn't trash long weekends 2)We START the weekends with D to get Quality time 3)I don't have to interact with W.
I did it. I sat my three children down and talked to them.
I told them things were changing again. I asked them if they remembered when Daddy told them he needed some grown-up space and privacy. They said yes. I asked them if they remembered that we started taking turns taking care of them because we both love them very much. They said yes. Then I told them that Daddy had decided he needed more space and that he was moving out of this house. I told them that they would have rooms and toys and clothes in both places and both homes were "theirs". I explained that they would go back and forth.
D6 was very practical. She asked if it was a house and I told her that I thought Daddy had found an apartment. She asked where and I gave her a general idea. S5 started to cry and told me that he would miss me when he went to Daddy's. I told him that I would miss him too, and that whenever he is with one parent he can always call the other whenever he wants to. I told him that Daddy loves him very much too. He asked why I was crying and I told him that I am sad too but we would all be ok. And I smiled at him.
I told them we both love them very much. I told them this is not their fault. And then I hugged the hell out of them.
I'm still standing. PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
