I've just been emailing back and forth with someone on a dating site and really came to a conclusion. Also after having lunch with one of my best friends.
I may love my h but we are not equal in any way shape or form. The inequalities we have could have been over came, but with him not wanting to, or as i say bringing me down, i don't think it can be done.
Let's just say this. He's a high school drop out, I have a master's degree, he has a dui conviction, I have no convictions and possess a fingerprint card to be a teacher. He gets paid hourly and serves people, I get paid annually and mold the minds of our youth. I believe in having car insurance, a savings account,health insurance a retirement, college is just known to be expected for my children. He lives to get what he can get, he is not permitted to work in the usa, came into the united states illegally, has no retirement, spends money as quickly as he can drinking, gambling.
Does it make me sound snotty or stuck up, I don't think so, he just does not bring the same positive qualities to the table as i have worked so hard for.
his job history is spotty, being fired a few times, I've served 13 years in the military all honorable discharges, highly decorated veteran, he would do illegal things at his job, fixing other people's breath anyalyizers so they don't get popped when the print out goes to their parole officer. I love the police, I was one in the military, my best friends are Deputies, Sergeants, Highway patrol officers, give to charity so on and so on. He wants the charity given to him, he tries to make himself and his family qualify for state assistance, takes food stamp cards from other people so they can have cash, I'd love to have some help pay for food for my babies.
wow!
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Just when i think i'm doing ok, wham rate back down to horrible.
daughter 3 was sick all this weekend. so we are still up at 1130pm, she gets her fingers stuck in the desk draw, luckily didn't not break anything, or wake her brother.
i blew up, i spent the whole weekend, vacuming, doing laundry getting my luches ready to go for the week, cooked 1 dinner somewhat ahead of time, put all the toys and stuff away and see how she went and pulled out all the dvd's when just last night i organized them all.
i lost it, crying angry, saying horrible things about her father, he has no freaking clue. he lives with his parents, his mother does his laundry, she cooks for him, he does not have to clean, he just rolls out of bed when he wants, yells to his mom, make me this do this for me and she does it.
here i am with no car, no phone i barely get any sleep, trying to get my work done since i leave early, i'm buring the candles at both ends, i fall asleep at work while i'm teaching, it is soooo much on my own.
sure h for 3 days picked up kids in the am, but he takes them back to his house and can just go back to bed, his mom is there no matter what, but from their births, it's get up in the middle of the night, feed my lil boy, get up at 5 am, get ready for work, get their clothes ready(if not done night before) go to work all day with 20 min lunch break- i pump so son can have breast milk, from second i get off of work, it's both kids, home get dinner, feed dogs cats, try to keep house somewhat neat, not to mention the lovely weeds now growing out front with broke weedeater, try to exercise loose weight, and on top of it all DON'T BE ANGRY WITH H WHEN HE PICKS us up. HOW?????someone please tell me HOW????
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i'm just hitting another low; h is so cheery when he picks me up with the kids, life is great for him.
lady at work told her daughter in law that i have to lil babies, she just had one and she's struggling with the one and doesn't know how i do it, work go home to the babies, etc. so she bought my son some clothes like 9 outfits, i thanked her so much, jsut for the thought that people know how hard it is for me.
so h is like 20 mins late picking me up to go home, supposed to get shots for my boy, but he was to late to get them, since i can't afford insurance we get them at the free clinic.
he' sall happy driving, oh lets get something to eat, i'm reading the card my coworker gave me and it made me cry that someone else thought about me..
he tries to talk i can't talk to him,. we get to me and kids house and i just say you really are not a good person, you have no morals, you are always going to be illegal to work in the usa, ur lifestyle is scummy, drinkiing partying ect. i started to tell him about how i blew up at my d, of course i'm real emotional for the guilt.
i'm in so need of a reality check: I'm 40, been married 3 times, have an 18 yr old, 6month old and 3 yr old. who the heck would want to get in a relationship with me? im going to i all ready am so lonley.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
You're not alone. Everyone here is afraid of not being wanted. It's probably everyone's greatest fear.
I'm 46. By the time I get through my sitch and I'm ready to start a new relationship, I'll probably be pushing 50. That's a scary thought. So I know your fear.
You're a good mom, conscientious, kind and loving. You'll be okay.
Jstar, when it rains, it pours. We all vacillate between these good and extremely BAD days. My advice to you is not to react to him. He was cheery and you sliced him with some words about hwo awful he is. Don't do that. Nothing good comes from that. Yes, you are going through a tough time (understatement, right?) but next time he's cheery, be cheery back. It will floor him. Just as you think he is "moving on in life/life is great" for him, he will think the same of you. It's like smiling... when we smile, even if we're unhappy, we feel happy just because we're doing it.
jstar - you sound really depressed. Are you talking to anyone? There are hotlines you can call if you need to.
Remember that whatever is happening right now that it will pass. Things will get better. Life is circular.
I'm sure 3 failed marriages is hard. It doesn't mean y ou won't meet anyone else. And next time you will be smarter. Think of how much you have learned.
As for the kids, I have a friend your age with 3 kids. Her H left her for his assistant. My friend has had no problem dating. Some guys really like kids. Her H wasn't mature enough to handle them. He left when she was pg with the 3rd.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
who the heck would want to get in a relationship with me?
How's the relationship you have with yourself?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
DON'T BE ANGRY WITH H WHEN HE PICKS us up. HOW?????someone please tell me HOW????
You can be angry if you want to be angry. Go ahead and say "I am angry".
It won't change a thing or make you happy, but if you feel angry, then you feel angry. Stop fighting it. Allow yourself to feel these things, but then let them go.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
after 9 months the tough time has not passed. me and the kids have been doing this dance since nov 09. talking to someone, not possible. i'd love to have a phone or car but gotta pay the mortgage and utilities.
relationship with myself, i'm my worst enemy. i can not be near or in the same room with h without saying something horrible, getting upset.
he comes 30 mins early to my work when itold him tuesdays just like have been for 2 years done at 430, so kids in truck no ac 100+temp, so i go out of a meeting get them and come back for the last 1/2 hour, kids are still n their pj's from this morning, h says oh id idn't have time to change them... they are dirty snot in their noses.
i think i have earned the right to be depressed in my life at this time. after the past 4 years with everything it is to much to handle.
i have no out. in sept i'm going to get another job at work so i can get a phone and hopefully a car. i can't relyon anything from anyone else.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
